Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Purple Running Shoes!

Throwback (February 2011): Maybe I should rename it to Gray Running Shoes??? (whatcha think?)

I replaced my purple running shoes with gray ones recently. And as I was thinking about the replacement, it brought a revelation to me and I wanted to share it with you. Bear with me...

I loved my purple running shoes. They were my motivation to workout. "If I'm going to workout, I'm at least going to do it in cute purple shoes" I would gladly put on my purple running shoes and run like the wind. It felt good, I felt free, it brought me calm... sigh! I was happy, right? Yes I was, but after awhile I realized when I ran in them, my big toe would hurt. And the more I ran, the more it hurt. But my purple running shoes fit perfectly, or so I thought… (Just that when you run you put more pressure down on your foot and your toes would slide forward) Walking in them was fine; it was just when I ran. Plus they were the ones I wanted, they were cute and I was going to run in these shoes no matter how much my big toe hurt! It was worth the pain in my big toe, I told myself. Besides it’s just a big toe… Everything else about them is perfect!?  But man was my big toe hurting! It took some time but after awhile I couldn’t ignore the pain anymore. I realized my big toe shouldn’t have to suffer at the expense of a purple new balance. What was I thinking? Minimizing my pain in my toe like that!  Eventually, I didn’t wear those purple running shoes anymore, I couldn’t. They no longer seemed pretty enough to motivate me to run. Yes they were still cute, still in good condition but they just weren’t good enough to run in and they hurt too... Pass! So, no more running and besides my big toe is important! So for awhile absolutely no running happened. I would see those purple shoes and not even think about running, they were just another shoe.

One day while in the mall I went into a shoe store just to look around. I wasn’t looking for anything in particular, but right in the middle of the store were new balances on sale. I had not been thinking about running shoes but there they were and on sale too! They were pretty much calling me. I started to ignore them because I had given that up, but then I remembered how good I used to feel when I ran and although I was still in good shape, I knew I couldn’t stay away forever. There some running shoes were, much less expensive than the purple ones that were now sitting in the back of my closet (back of my mind). These weren’t purple though, they were gray :( “hmmm… I really loved the purple ones though. But these are still very nice looking, a lot less flashy, they probably won’t motivate me but maybe I should be motivating myself. I’ll get these in a better size to support what I need them for and then I can run how I want.” Me talking myself into these gray shoes…

So although the shoe purchase seemed obvious, I was considering not getting them because they weren’t “me”. I thought I needed something that stood out and made a statement. Then I rationalized that these running shoes are pretty much being given away, how could I pass them up. And they will fit better… so although hesitant, I bought them! I took them home with me but I kept them in a box for a few weeks, still not running. The last shoes didn’t do their job right and I ended up with a hurt big toe, I still was not ready to trust another pair of running shoes. Then one day, I saw them sitting there in the box and something (I don’t know how to explain it but something) made me take them out and put them on. I put them on that first time and they felt so comfortable and supportive, already different from the other pair that although I thought they fit perfectly at first, they were much tighter than these. They hadn’t work for what I needed them for either… running! And I liked to run and they would hurt me when I ran in them, not good. The gray ones went on nicely and fit better and I began to trust that I could run in them, so I did. First day, I was like yea ok the purple ones didn’t hurt the first time either. So I ran harder and faster, trying to make them hurt but they didn’t. I have been running in them everyday just about and they haven’t hurt yet! And I know that even if I decide one day I want to run, jump, dance, walk, cry, pray, scream, cartwheel… those cozy, unflashy, comfortable, supportive, quiet, kind hearted, patient, friendly, loving boring old gray running shoes will be right there fitting perfectly for whatever I want to do in them. It’s like they were made for me, I mean my feet :) lol!

So if you hadn’t noticed this story about replacing my running shoes wasn’t entirely about shoes… yes I did have purple running shoes that didn’t work out as perfectly as I thought they would and I have replaced them with bigger, better, more practical (and loving and awesome) gray running shoes. And YES my toes are happy :)  but this is really about realizing what I’m worth and who and what is worth my time. I should not have been ignoring the pain in my big toe (in my life, in my relationships, in my heart, in my head) for the flash, seemingly fabulousness, attractiveness, or perception of my purple running shoes (or anything that looks good but causes pain). I am important and any pain those “shoes” were causing is not worth it. Yes I could have ran through the pain, it seemed small, ignorable and unimportant but eventually the beauty in the shoes was not enough to make me run (do something I love, be with people I love, be who I am). And now, I kinda feel stupid for running in them for so long when they were causing me pain! And no I didn’t go shopping for another shoe right away, was too scared to run again (put myself out there, be available, let the walls down, be myself, care about someone again). But when I saw that shoe, and that shoe was available and cost less but worth more and didn’t have to wear its worth on the outside…just gray, “boring”, but practical and supportive and long lasting and… everything I needed so that I could run like I wanted *sighs*. Although it took me some time to trust another running shoe, I did and I run like the wind in it everyday and it’s there being the perfect running shoe for me!

“You were not what I pictured, but you are everything I need making you all that I want”

We have this image of what we want for ourselves and when we think we’ve found it, we ignore all the pain and the signs that show us it’s not right for us. If and when we come to our senses and stop the pain, I hope we are smart enough to first… trust again, but secondly choose a “running shoe” that isn’t what we think we want but what we really need.

I hope this made someone think twice about their running shoes or at least gave you a good chuckle!
Choose your man like you choose your running shoe… bigger, comfortable and that does the job! Whether you’re walking or need to run, it’ll fit perfectly. Happy Running!

Update: (almost 7 months later) I am still "running" in my gray running shoes (maybe not as much running as I should be), but I am still wearing them and they are still cozy and always there when I need them for everything I need them for!

A Piece of My Peace

HAPPY HUMP DAY! I really appreciate Wednesdays! Am I giving Wednesdays too much credit? No! Glass half full, we are halfway through the week and instead of pouting that I've got 2 more days, I'm gonna be glad that I've got 2 days out the way! Hello Friday! I see you boo! (lol).
Today's blog challenge topic: The Meaning Behind My Blog Name... Well, I feel as though the meaning has been covered over the past blogs, but I'll touch on it a bit (?). "A Peace of Tam"? I am Tam, Tam I am! (lol). Other than that, I really don't know where to start.... I am Tam and my life is anything but peaceful I guess. But moreso now than ever, I have PEACE!
I used to pray daily for peace. I was in an abusive relationship, I lived in fear, I was unhappy and without joy. I was withdrawn and sad and scared and miserable and unmotivated and tired and depressed and... (I didn't even know it). For awhile (believe it or not), it was bearable. I could take it, I accepted it. I reason that it wasn't that bad and there was some good (there is never enough good to accept that) but I had it in my mind that it was ok and so was I. But of course I wasn't! And it got worse, unbearably, desperate, life or death... I needed PEACE, and I wanted it BAD. Psalm 34:14 "Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it." I realized peace isn't about the situation you're in or what's going on, it's your frame of mind/your spirit. It's (to me) a trust, a faith and rest in God, a calm you allow yourself to feel in God, a knowing... (indescribable) Phillipians 4:7 "Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." I wanted that peace, I prayed for it HARD! It didn't happen right away, it definitely got worse before it got better. I felt almost to rock bottom! Who knew? Idk if anyone did. I'm sure my family had an idea, but I had secluded myself so much... *You knew and I didn't listen* But I couldn't let this situation affect my life anymore, I couldn't take it anymore. My prayers for peace were answered before the situation was any different. It wasn't about what I was going through though, it was my faith that God would deliver me from it. I rested in that and allowed myself to feel the calm knowing  John 14:27 “I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid.
and...Psalm 4:8 In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, O Lord, will keep me safe.
and...John 16:33 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” 
and I could go on and on (and I kinda want to but...)

In that situation (as miserable and horrible as it was), I found peace... (long story on how it all went down, maybe another day...) but eventually it all came crashing down and down and (more down). I can't explain it all but I know that Proverbs 16:7 "When the LORD takes pleasure in anyone’s way, he causes their enemies to make peace with them." (HAHA, take that!) That's the only explanation I have for why it happened how it happened... and I am not going to question it at all! (not one bit, not for a second)!

2 Thessalonian 3:16 Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you.

Now I am living my PEACE (so many things, people, and experiences contribute to it) and as I do, I just want to share it with you. Invite you to live in it with me... Can you imagine the JOY and PEACE I feel these days? I love it so much, and I am offering you a piece of my peace.
This is your "Peace of Tam"

2 Corinthians 13:11 Dear brothers and sisters, I close my letter with these last words: Be joyful. Grow to maturity. Encourage each other. Live in harmony and peace. Then the God of love and peace will be with you.

PEACE out!

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

BYOB, READ or Die (trying)!!!

Good morning everyone! Tuesday... might as well be a Monday. Not enough hope for the weekend, its just a tease. Now, that's not very glass half full, is it? I have been a real Debbie Downer lately, snap out of it Tamika! I purpose to do better, I don't even like my own attitude right now...
I have some things I need to get done today, so I'm gonna (try to) keep this light. I have really been slacking on BYOB (book club). That's probably part of my problem. I have NOT been reading anything lately, my brain is suffering. I am literally losing my mind from a lack of reading. You guys know how I feel about books and reading. Knowledge is Power, but even a good fiction book is good for the brain, body and soul. (speaking of body, I did get my treadmill on yesterday evening whoop whoop!) When I was trapped in the house thanks to Irene, I wanted to kill myself (not literally) because I didn't have a book to read. I almost resorted to re reading something, that's not always fun. I didn't, but how I wished I'd had a good book to curl up with :( And I still have NOT gotten one, I feel like a loser. This would not be happening had they not taken away Borders bookstore. It's because you people don't read!!! And when you do, it has to be all fancy and on an ereader. Poor Borders, if I could bring you back I would. I love you and I'm sorry we did you like that. So... although I had planned to discuss the blog challenge for today, I am not going to... instead, I am going to get my BYOB book list together and send out the email so my fellow BYOBer's can vote on a book we can read. (I think I already saw the one I'm going to vote on, shhhh)
You guys know (from yesterday) that I'm tryna get this hair thing (along with other things) in order.. but MUCH more importantly is what's under my hair. This knowledge thing is very serious to me. At least I'm not walking around fat, with crazy hair and (illiterately) stupid... BYOB is a key factor in me keeping the peace of Tam. I soo enjoy the reading and the discussions with the group. So on that note, I'm going to get to keeping that thing going... If you want to be a part of BYOB, feel free to join us.... READ or Die (trying)!!!

Happy Reading, that's my peace (out)!

Monday, August 29, 2011


Monday! Don't get mad, but I don't want to do the blog challenge today. The challenge for today is something about how I feel about my reflection in the mirror and I'm just not feeling that today. Now, don't get me wrong... I love myself. Just lately, I've been feeling very BLAH and I don't want to lie in my blog or be negative about myself... lose, lose! So, instead I'm just not going to talk about it. I could have just skipped it I guess and went on to the next one but... blah! IDK.
But anywhoozle. Seeing as how I'm not feeling 100% about myself, I need to find my way out of this rut. I'm used to feeling much better about myself, I no likey this. For starters, I'm back into those gray running shoes. One, this added weight is not a good look for me. I miss my 2010 body... 2011, although I'm feeling good, I'm not paying enough attention to myself and what my body is doing. That J guy had me distracted... feeding me good, making me happy and stuff! What's his problem? But all the good eating put alot of good weight on, and... its gots to go! ASAP! So the running shoes have been on (only 2 days straight so far) faithfully, but I plan to stay motivated and get it (keep it) together. Now, Idk if you've been paying attention or not but this isn't the first time I've said this. There have been a number of "I'm gonna get it together" claims... then I would fall off either from lack of time, motivation, or (more importantly) I'd be having a stretch of good hair days (that wouldn't be conducive to working out)! Which brings me to my 2nd less than 100% issue... this hair is driving me crazy! I just want to chop it ALL off! Idk if this is just me but I think most women can agree... if you don't feel good about your hair, your whole day seems to suck! Or if you're not feeling good about the way you look, nothing else seems to go right. Maybe its all in our head, but its real! I am having a hair #fail lately and I really need to figure something out soon. I'm about to just be like forget my hair, so what if it looks crazy, I'm going to work out and get skinny and worry about my hair later. Then again this skinny thing isn't going to happen instantaneously so i feel I at least should have awesome hair... what to do? what to do? Fit body and crazy hair or awesome hair and fat? LOL, I should not have to choose! I can either invest in a gym membership or a good hairdresser, which do I choose? Am I the only one with this issue... DAMN this natural hair? I'm trying to do the right thing by my hair but it isn't cooperating with me. Of course, the rest of my life falls into place and now I cant get my hair and body together. Cant I have it all? Is that too much to ask? I am going to work on having all these things work out at the same time... you guys just wait. One day I am going to have a happy relationship, a fit body and awesome hair all at the same time... even if its just one days worth? When that one day happens, I'm going to take a picture to remember it just in case it doesn't carry over to the next day. On an off day (when I'm barely keeping it together and cant keep all 3 of these things in check), which should I let suffer? I should ask the J guy would he mind taking the slack so I can be hot! "Babe, my hair is important and being thin and healthy is essential. Can you just allow me this one day to be an ass? I appreciate you (even if under these trying times it doesn't seem like I do)! You got me? Thanks babe!" You guys think that'll work? Maybe its not a good idea...  I'll focus on my weight and my relationship and let my hair go wild!
You'd think what else could be having Tam feeling like crappola? She's so sweet and pleasant and has a lovely smile... (I know that's exactly what you were thinking). Well this lovely smile of mine is failing me... I have all kinds of problems going on right now with my teeth and I don't like that at all. I think if I were fat and had crazy hair, I'd still be up and feeling good .. but this teeth thing is really taking a toll on me and knocking me out! I (used to) love my smile, always bright and white... :( now, its doing its own thing and... I don't even want to talk about it! I just feel defeated, and disappointed in my choice of 2 (sucky) dentist. I feel like they both contributed to making it worse instead of better and there's not much I can do about it. If you've ever had mouth problems, then you'd understand (maybe). But I was a faithful brusher, not a big candy eater, I flossed... Idk where I messed up and Idk what to do. My face is still numb from a root canal almost 2 years ago... imagine that! I'm done, I can't and I don't want to! Yes, I'm highly emotional over it and I don't want to talk about it (not even in this blog bubble)!!!!

Well... it seems in trying to get around discussing my "reflection in the mirror", I did just that! I'm such a dork sometimes... I hope overall it was more proactive than depressing. I love Tam but I need to get Tam's reflection in the mirror to a better place. I'll keep you updated on the deets of them all, but you can bet your mama I'm on the treadmill once I get home! (the kids may have to wait for dinner, but...whatever!)

Enjoy what's left of your Monday... that's my peace!

Friday, August 26, 2011

Get in my Bubble!

FRIDAY!!! *exhales* (forreals)... this day could not have gotten here fast enough! I am so ready for this weekend, Hurricane Irene or not. I just need it. It's been awhile since I've NEEDED the weekend, must be this school drains me. But we've almost made it through the whole first week. YAY! Maybe we should say thanks to the earthquake for getting the girls a break from school, I am sure they appreciated it to the fullest (especially Kai who got two days, smh). Well its almost over and we've survived it, thank you Jesus!
Speaking of survival... this morning my brother wasn't able to drive me to work. Instead of driving myself to the train station and parking there as usual, I chose to be frugal and ride the bus. Usually, I like to remain in my "bubble of security", and riding the bus is not included in this bubble but I'm working on feeling free. As I walked from the side streets of my house out to the main street, I began to feel an tinge of anxiety.
Ever feel like you were over something until something else provoked those same emotions? (Shakira said this statement made sense although I question it) I'll explain... I have been living in my security bubble now for over a year. I feel like I am over the feelings of being in an abusive relationship that didn't end well and feeling like I should be looking over my shoulder at all times. I thought those "fears" (I hesitate on calling it that) had left me. I don't feel afraid, just... conscious/aware. As, I'm walking away from my house, I realized I didn't want to be standing on a main street where anyone could just drive by and see me.  I thought about turning around walking back home and getting my car from out the garage and driving to the train, but that would have been ridiculous right? I couldn't let the "fear" consume/control me. So I'm standing on the main street now (alone, but not) and as I begin to relax, crossing the street is a (very homely, nappy faced, unkempt) man holding a paper bagged beverage yelling all kinds of absurdities (drunk!). I'm thinking to myself "really? is this a test?" I wanted to cry... not from fear (I will never be afraid again) but from the irony and overwhelmingness (dont judge my word) of the situation. I felt like God was putting me in this situation to see how I was going to respond and I felt unprepared. I felt like I should not even be having these worries... I should be over this! This is not my life anymore... why? Why didn't I just drive to the train station? Why am I standing here on this main street worrying that "he" could drive by and see me? Why is there some random drunk, angry man approaching me? Why did I even put myself in this situation? I was mad at myself for still being in this place, I thought I was at peace... (this is supposed to be the PEACE of Tam!!!!) *sighs* Then God, "Tamika, why don't you trust me to take care of you? You trust me to watch over Kai and Nae, you trust me to get them to school safely and back home safely, you trust that I'll heal their hearts from that experience. Why don't you trust that I'll do the same for you?" So, as I'm standing there waiting for the bus (that of course was like 10  minutes late), I done been moved my knife (yes, its be's like that sometimes... don't tell everybody) from my purse to my back pocket. Like forreals had he tried me, I wasn't going for no foolishness this morning! He walked very closely by me like 3 times, pacing, then from a distance he yelled to me asking did I have a cigarette. Of course I did not, apparently he didnt like that and started going off (yelling obscenities and expletives) just being drunk I suppose. Thankfully more people walked over, he calmed down, poured out the rest of his early morning breakfast beer and stood semi quietly smoking the cigarette he'd bummed off one of the newcomers. I semi relaxed again, texted Nae to distract myself from the moment and pretty soon after the bus came.
Ever feel like you were over something until something else provoked those same emotions? I am not in an abusive relationship with an alcoholic anymore. I thought I was over those feelings/"fears". Why am I hiding in the "safety" of my security bubble? Why am I concerned when I'm out somewhere alone, he may show up? Why did the sight of some random guy with beer for breakfast breath turn my whole world upside down? Why am I even thinking about how I was going to defend myself? I'm not thinking this is normal behavior... "did I fail the test God?" Why am I not trusting Him to take care of me? I'm telling myself now that I did it, I survived it (sans the anxiety attack that would have been  guaranteed a year or so ago). Major strides I'd say... aside from the impending potential stabbing, all went well.
As I was standing there, after I relaxed some, Kirk Franklin's The Blood Song came on my ipod... it made my morning. And I hate to admit, for a second I thought "yea, I was going to see just how red his blood was if he messed with me." But aside from that, the song really blessed me....

The Blood Song~ Kirk Franklin, ft. Crystal Lewis & Jaci Velasquez

*sighs* well it was an interesting morning. I refuse to let that take away from the JOY I feel on Fridays. I appreciate you guys spending some time in my bubble (get in my bubble! *in my fat Bastard voice*)
That's my PEACE... (no worries, I'm on my way back to it, Fred Hammond station on Pandora all day!) Happy Weekend guys and don't let Irene catch you slippin! Be safe :)

Thursday, August 25, 2011

And the Survey Says... Irritating

Good morning (hardly morning anymore) guys and dolls! It's Thursday, whoop whoop! Just one more day... *sighs*. I've got nothing really today (well I've got something but I don't want to vent on it right now) so I am going to resume with the blog challenge: What are five things that IRRITATE you about the opposite sex? Same Sex? Well, at first I was thinking... only 5?! I've got one brewing at the top of my mind right now, but I dont want to particularly touch on that one, he means well! lol... So instead, let's play survey says... yay?
If only you guys would cooperate. Ok, not many responses from you all, so don't be venting to me how he/she irritated you LATER! I don't even wanna hear it... You wanna know what irritated me yesterday? (The J guy!) but I wont go into that. (haha) thought you were gonna get some J guy dirt, didn't you? Well that's not how I roll. I was pretty irritated with him yesterday though. I bet he doesn't even know why either... (and here begins my list)

  1. Why are they so oblivious? Are they ever paying attention to anything that's going on around them? I don't want to go so far as calling them stupid, but... (ok that isn't nice). But really, are they stupid? No, let's just call it clueless. But how do they function like that? WHY DON'T YOU GET IT? They seem to never understand why we women feel the way we do. Our emotions (sometimes) aren't from left field! You did something to provoke it, but of course... you're oblivious to it! No idea. And what's worse? Sometimes you don't even realize the mood change until a silent treatment or exasperated sigh from us finally (if ever) gets your attention. It's just irritating
  2. Insensitive: they just are! Consider my feelings dork! #thatisall
  3. Insecure: I'm with you, aren't I? I was attracted to your confidence. Now that we're together, how come you're so insecure? You got me... own it, know it, live it! And never doubt or question it again, ok? Thanks
  4. You're not listening to me? That J guy tends to listen very well, unless I'm not talking to him. (lol) no, really. If there is a conversation going on around you, why not be somewhat tuned into it? I can make plans sitting right next to him (but be talking to someone else), then when I am about to carry out those plans he looks at me "oblivious" (back to that, I see). But you were right there! How could you have missed that? It just doesn't make any sense to me. Maybe us women are just so nosy that we don't miss things going on around us... maybe!
  5. Stubborn/prideful: Why I gotta give in first for us to make up? Why you get in your feelings when I reach to give you money at the register? (I know you got it boo) I'm only trying to help and speed the process along. I only offer it cause I know you got me! CHILL, k? And why you cant do what I ask when I ask you to do it? I'm not asking for a hint of hope in the future. Nah, I kinda meant now! (thanks)
Thanks to my friends who contributed to the peace! Along with the top five, there were others... and the surveys says:
  1. immature
  2. Selective hearing (I guess similar to not listening)
  3. lying
  4. showing off (playing big)
  5. being unfair
  6. cocky attitudes

What can I say? Women are perfect creatures (most of us). lol... ok, I know that's a ridiculous statement to make. I am almost ashamed to post the thoughts that are coming to mind as I scan my brain at the IRRITATING qualities of women. But truth is truth. And the survey says:
  1. It's sad how desperate women can be. Women do some of the dumbest things in the name of having a man/boyfriend/husband/even friendships with other women... I am especially peeved by the thirsty (seemingly motherless) girls in clubs. Respect yourself.. geesh! Desperation could be the driving force to all the other irritating qualities, quite possibly. Maybe it isn't meant for you to have that particular guy or any guy for that matter.  Take note: if it were meant to be there would be no need for you to be so.... (takes me to #2)
  2. Manipulative: You should not have to lie and scheme to get your way. If it's yours (or meant to be yours), you won't have to crawl through the dust and mud to get it. Get off the ground you...
  3. Immature loser! Just cause you don't get your way doesn't mean, do immature, vengeful things to get back at him. Why are you playing on his phone? or calling his real girlfriend? That's petty and very immature. Ok, let's say he is your real boyfriend and he does something to make you mad, don't be juvenile and plot your next "get back" move... real women don't do that! Now if he did some real dirt and you need a friend to "ride out" and handle it, I know some folk!
  4. Why are you so angry? #smile No one wants to deal with a b*&#%!!!! I'm sure its not ALWAYS that bad. Fix your face and smile!  Kirk Franklin~ I Smile "you look so much better when you smile."
  5. Know your value! You are beautiful, wonderful, special and worth a lot! Don't let some man degrade you and treat you like anything less than the best. Being a woman is already tough cookies! You already have enough going on dealing with pressures of being thin enough, pretty enough, dressing a certain way, taking care of home, children, work, having to compare and live up to the (phony, airbrushed) Hollywood standard of beauty... forget what they think! (all of them, whoever they are!) You are who you are, love yourself and be yourself. If you spent more time loving yourself, you wouldn't have any time left to be desperate, manipulative, immature and angry!
Are there any key ones I missed? Not enough man friends chimed in to my question for me to get a full "and the survey says" list for the ladies... it's cause we're PERFECT! (lol)

Hope everyone is able to enjoy this cloudy, rainy, Irene invaded day... I'm gonna ask the J guy to give me some things that irritate him about the opposite sex. (this should be interesting). I'll keep you updated and until then... that's my peace! MUAH!

Wyclef Jean feat Claudette Ortiz~ Two Wrongs

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

We're Alive! lol

Happy "day after the quake" Wednesday! Everyone I know is good, no real damage done... except our tv (rest its tv soul), it didnt make it. It fell from where it was sitting and the screen is damaged, beyond repair. Of course the J guy is crushed, I think there may be a funeral service held for it later this week. That's seriously how his face looked, lol! (that's not funny though). Where were you when the quake happened? I hope none of you experienced any real damage. Thankfully Gigi was there to pick up the kids from school for me, isnt she awesome! I was at work at the time and I swear, the panic in DC was the most! Traffic for days, Metro was tripping, folk scared out of their minds... it was literal CHAOS! 9/11 all over again. Lately, I've been trying to find the silver lining in every situation. It's my choice how I see things. Am I going to focus on the bad of a situation or choose to see the flip side? Example: today the kids are out of school, the J guy just happened to be off work, but me... I'm at work. They are on their way to the mall just to hang out, I should be jealous and blown that I'm working and they're boondoggling at the mall together. But NO! The silver lining: I am at work where it's peaceful and quiet, just me, my desk and my computer. At some point, one or more of those rugrats is going to drive the J guy (and apparently Nae also via Twitter) crazy (we can pretty much count on it, bet my last $1). Here I am, lucky me, kidless at work... HAPPY! (until they called me to referree)
So, in saying that... what's the silver lining in this "quake" situation? How can we put a positive spin on it? Are we gonna be afraid that the world may be coming to an end? Are we annoyed at the broken tv's, the traffic, and the chaos and fear it caused? Or are we going to be glad for that break in the day it gave us yesterday afternoon? the conversations with strangers that it provoked? the realization that God's word is true and he is faithful to keep his promises from his blessings to the quakes? the quality time we spent with our families, the calls we made to our loved ones, the bonds that were created through that experience? the hope of another day to cherish the people in our lives that we love and another day and opportunity to forgive others and right our wrongs... I like the silver linings! I smile at the silver linings in life. I'm just going to say, let's not waste our time and energy focusing on the negative. It's your choice! Find the silver linings in life TODAY, tomorrow is not promised!

Tamia~ Tomorrow

The Winans~ Tommorow (covered by Tamia)...

I hope everyone successfully gets over the hump, enjoy your day... that's my peace! 

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

The Tears (Part II)

Happy 2nd day of school Tuesday! I think if I can just get through this first week, everything will be fine (this is my earnest plea). I got one kid back to normal... Kai had a rough first morning of school but she got it together just like I knew she would. She came home excited, with a slew of friends and left out this morning ready and (semi) excited. No worries, no meltdowns, no problem! Then my sweet Nae... well, not so good. Yesterday, she seemed ok. Nervous but together. This morning there were tears :-(. She's always the good one, never any problems, no annoyances... just  sweet, mellow, calm (Libra balanced) Nae. And she always tries to keep it together in front of me. Now I know I'm not the most sensitive person in the world, but quite possibly, she must think I won't empathize with her issues. I often find her alone crying or on the phone with Gigi (our mom) crying... but she never comes to me with her tears. I asked her why this morning, of course she just shrugged... but I think I know why anyway. Daily I am on the edge, the brink, hanging from a thin thread about to lose it! Seriously (sad, I know) but more often than not, I am stressed and overwhelmed (I'm working on it). More often than not, Ikaia doesn't care that I am on the verge of losing it and pushes every button she knows will provoke me closer to insanity. That Ikaia, she is such a bully and I think she must really get enjoyment out of me losing my cool (or she's just a preteen that can't help but to drive me crazy) SMH. And I am certain Nae witnesses this and takes notes. She just doesn't want to be a bother or add to my (over) load. Oh! how I love that girl. I had to tell her this morning that I love her and because she is so easy, she can come to me about anything and I will take it seriously. I don't want her to feel like I am so on the edge all the time that I cant be bothered with her issues. I'm here, please talk to me! Especially for my sweet Nae, anything you need. She is the first love of my life. My mom had her when I was in 9th grade, so she and I were inseparable. I played a very pivotal part in raising her and I love her as if she were my own daughter. Sometimes I forget I'm not her mom and she just needs a sister. And sometimes she's like you're just my sister, stop tryna be my mom... needless to say the line is quite blurry and often gets confusing. We make it work though! She is the best sister/daughter ever! I also forget she's only 14 (still a baby) and still needs some babying. I keep tryna make her a woman before her time but its so easy to do when she's towers inches over me. She's so smart and beautiful and funny and even tempered and level headed... she is just AWESOME! I love her to pieces!!! She is the only girl in the house who is working to keep me sane and that, in itself is reason to love her. It hurts my heart to know she is dreading school because she feels alone there. I know its only the second day, but I just want her to be happy (right now) and I definitely don't like seeing those tears come from her.  I wish I could go to school with her and be her friend just to see her smile, if only... You guys pray for me and my sweet Nae. My prayer for her...

Dear Heavenly Father,
I pray Nae grows stronger and closer to you from this experience. Help her to depend on you when she feels alone. Let her know that even if people aren't around her or talking to her, that you are still with her always. Help her to be more confident in herself and show herself friendly. Help her to see that it isn't the quantity of people around her but the quality. I pray that the one person you would have to be her friend, finds her today. And even if not, that Nae will feel peace and strength that can come only from you. We rest in your promises knowing that you will provide. I love you and thank you.
In Jesus Name, Amen.

I hope she's doesn't mind be being so open about her in my blog, its kind of a therapy for me now. (I forget someone else may even read it). It's ok for me to be so open about myself, I hope she's ok with me being so transparent about her as well. I'm just in my "blog bubble", it's safe here. :)
I really do hope everyone is having a manageable first week of school, its never been this rough for us before. I trust things will get better (tomorrow).


That's my peace...

Monday, August 22, 2011

The Tears

It's first day of school Monday! I felt so overwhelmed about this last night, so I went to bed early in hopes of being at least mentally prepared for the morning to come. Let me tell you... NOTHING could have prepared me for this morning. (ok, so maybe I'm being a little dramatic) It was a little rough, but we survived it. Or at least, so far, I have. Idk about Kai and Nae yet. I made sure to pray over little Ikaia last night before bed cause I knew she was feeling anxiety about a new school. Then when she added her own concerns to the prayer, I knew it was serious. This morning, she woke up just fine on her own and by the time I got up, she was already mostly dressed and ready (to you parents of young children, one day this will be you also). I did the finishing touches on her... fixed her hair, made sure there were no corner eye crusties and we left. Although she's a walker, I drove her to school and we walked up together (her holding my hand really tightly) and stood in a line where 6th graders were to wait. I prayed over her again, making sure to include her own prayers from last night. She told me her stomach wasn't feeling well and then the tears began filling up in her eyes. Before I knew it, they were flowing pretty full force down her face. "Mommy, I don't feel well and I just really want to go home!" (my heart melted). My little girl (who never cries) is standing here boo-hooing at school. I lifted her pretty brown face, wiped the tears and reminded her she would be fine. "You're smart and pretty and have a wonderful personality. You make friends where ever you go! I know these things about you so I'm not worried, and you know them about yourself so you shouldn't worry either. I love you and I know you'll be fine." Then I proceeded to kiss her and she kinda nudged me away. "oh! so you can cry in front of all these people but I can't kiss you? omg" She half smiled at me and I knew she would recover from the teary moment. Nae and I walked her to her class and soon after, we left her. She still wasn't her normal self but I knew I wouldn't be doing her any favors by staying and being her crutch. I gave her the tools, but she had to walk the rest of the way alone. Of course, I did not want to leave her. Of course, I'm going to be thinking about her all day (slightly worried). *sighs* It was really rough for me. She never (ever) cries, so when she does it weakens my heart. It took everything in me not to let the tears consume my own eyes, but I kept it together (thank you Lord)! She's been crying a lot lately, but deep down I know its for the best. She's finally breaking down those walls that her vulnerability is hiding behind. She is usually so tough (but not really), nothing bothers her (but it does), she doesnt care about anything (except she's really sensitive). It wasn't healthy for her always thinking she has to be in control of her every emotion, always ok, unfazed. Weakness is alright Ikaia, you dont always have to keep it together all the time. I want to cry right now because I know its my fault, my (being in an abusive relationship) issues reflected on her. I wasn't so stupid that I didnt think she would not be affected... I am just thankful that my baby is finally starting to let the walls fall. Hopefully these new found tears are just the pathway to the breakthrough. I want her to know how it feels to be free too... (no crying Tamika!)
*sighs* well ok! We survived it, a few tears later... but I know forreals, she'll be more than fine.
Nae started a new school too (10th grade), her bus was late, and she hadn't gotten her homeroom info yet. But I couldn't take anymore dramatic moments. So Kirk, gladly drove her to school to help her figure out where she should go. I know deep down he wanted to anyway, he's always on big brother mode and he probably wanted to survey her surroundings. Let the suckas know to she has someone watching out for her and we don't go for no foolishness! No taking advantage of my sweet Nae, uh uhn! All my babies are growing up, I'm just so proud of them.
My job feels real tough sometimes, it gets hard and I often feel overwhelmed but... it's all worth it! I love seeing them happy and doing well. Despite all my problems and failures, (by God's grace) they are still blessed and covered. My Kai keeps her straight A's and my sweet Nae is so secure in herself and confident (not letting them boys distract her, thank you Lord). They'll be ok today and every other day, this I know and pray.
I hope everyone gets their wonderful babies off to a good first day of school this year. Remember to pray over them, encourage them, and remind them of their AWESOMENESS! Shower them with love and praise and remember to listen to them go ON and ON about their days at school. If you dont listen to the good, they wont feel confident in telling you about the bad, its our job to be there for both. Remember to stay tuned in to your children's lives and education. They are our future! Please Lord, let tomorrow be a little easier... p-p-p-please?

Friday, August 19, 2011

I'm gonna need new shades!

I don't want to be sick... it's Friday and I have been warding off this cold (I guess its a cold)... for a few days now. I feel like I am losing the battle. (I have since gargled with warm salt water and had tea, feeling a little better).  
I know one thing though... my fingers are cramping like heck! I did two little (big, long haired)  girl heads last night, and I think I have carpal tunnel now o_O. I cant move my fingers correctly and typing right now is rough. Working that blow dryer through all that hair did a number on me, I NO like! Anywhoozle... it is Friday and I don't want to feel like crap, but I do. Today is the last day for our summer intern here at work and last night I went to her "going away" happy hour. I do not usually participate in any work social gatherings but I really like her so I made an exception. It's not that I don't want to hang out with my coworkers, but I'd just rather be with my family after work hours. I've been with those people all day, enough is enough! But like I said, I really like her and I don't think there was anywhere else I'd rather be. And I have to admit, happy hour with the coworkers wasn't half bad. I'm sure they were shocked I stayed as long as I did cause even the times I have participated, I'm always first to leave. New, peaceful Tam knows she doesn't have to worry about what's going on at home when she's not there and doesn't have to rush to get back. I know, for once someone has my back! So I am free to enjoy the other aspects of my life like friends and coworkers...
The blog challenge for today: What You Hope Your Future Will Be Like. And I guess I was kinda thinking about that just now... I hope my future will be an extension of my present and nothing like my past (if that makes any sense). I am in a happy place right now. People I love and that love me surround my life right now. I don't have any (grave) worries or (unmanageable) problems, life is just... AWESOME. And I want my future to be a reflection of the growth of my present. Just like this, same people, just older, wiser, thinner :), more relaxed, still no (grave) worries and (unmanageable) problems, and still working on the peace of Tam. Oh! and married and with babies (just one baby if Chelita does what she's supposed to;). I just love love love my life right now and all the people in it. I do feel like I need to put in more work and cultivate some of these relationships with the people in my life that I love so much and am not dedicating enough Tam time to.
I get so caught up in the responsibilities of being a mom and "girlfriend", I don't want to neglect my other relationships in the process. I want to feel like a good friend, daughter, sister, life coach (lol, yes I have that role, even as crazy as I am), and Christian woman also. I am learning and growing more each day and I hope this path continues into my future.
I'm not even going to go into how I want it to be better than my past. It is the past! As long as I continue to learn and grow and love, I think I wont have any worries of the past. Plus that J guy... you guys already know how I feel about him, right? I mean I can tell you again if you're interested :) He wants nothing but a happy Tam and I know for sure he'd never make me feel the way I have in the past. (Never say never? Well, forget that! he would NEVER!) And he willingly, sometimes forcefully, allows me to enjoy my life aside from him. So the new peaceful Tam can go to happy hour with coworkers, dinner with friends, day with my sister... "whatever you want to do babe!" This may seem so minuscule to some of you, but spend some time in a prison and see how freedom feels to you after that. When you first get out, you don't even know how to be free... still asking permission to use the bathroom at first (Shawshank Redemption reference, lol). But oh to be free and completely feel it!!! Oh happy day!
Farther into the future, when Ikaia is a scientist I plan to be retired and traveling either with her (on all her scientist travels) or on her dime because she's promised to send me wherever I want to go! I love her, she is so smart and beautiful and witty and funny and sarcastic and stubborn and competitive and crazy. She is my little doll, bad but oh so good! And she has big plans for her own life and I'm blessed to be her mommy. I cant wait to see her grown and married with little babies of her own. Maybe the married and babies will be pretty far off since she has dreams of being a scientist but I'm sure her and her doctor husband will find the time to fit the babies in. Ok, back to me traveling... Kaia and I are going to go to Japan first, she says we can go to Singapore too since I really want to go. We'll figure the rest of the destinations out later, we've got time.
I'd say I'm gonna need new shades, cause my future is looking BRIGHT!
Ok, that's enough of that... Happy Friday everyone. My weekend is full of fun, friends and family... hope you enjoy your weekend, I definitely plan to! That's my peace...

Timbuk3 - The Futures So Bright (I Gotta Wear Shades)

"If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans."

P.S. Am I a good friend? sister? daughter? girlfriend? life coach? woman? 

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Focus on yourself boo!

It's Thursday bammas! *in my Huggie Lowdown voice* Good morning, I have the worst headache this morning and a sore throat is forming. It does not feel good :-( but other than that, I am having a good morning. I slept really good, woke up pleasantly... its a good day! How's everyone else feeling this morning? Glass half full, I hope! Usher~ Be  (I really like this song, have a listen)

I don't have anything specific today and the blog challenge (for some reason), I have been avoiding it. I guess I'll get over it and get it over with: Your View On Homosexuality.
Well, clearly I am in a relationship with a man, so no I am not homosexual. My view on it? Ask me my view on fornication or lying or adultery or stealing... it annoys me to no end how FOLK put so much focus and condemnation on that ONE of many (overlooked) sins. How come the liars and cheaters aren't under such harsh judgement and criticism? Why isn't the fornicator looked down upon and disowned from the family? Do I believe it is a sin? Yes. Am I going to judge them any different than I would someone who stole $1 from their grandma's purse? No... it isn't my $1, it isn't my business! What can I do? I will pray for them, just like I pray for myself and my family and everyone else in the world. But I doNOT believe God is going to condemn them all to hell. He loves us and is gracious and he forgives. Some say, homosexuals don't see what they are doing as sin and aren't repenting so it isn't the same as someone who sins once and asks for forgiveness. Well, thank God he is so righteous! I don't recall seeing anywhere in the Bible (correct me if I'm wrong), where it says the way to salvation is to not be homosexual.

"If you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead (and commit any sin except homosexuality) , you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved." Romans 10:9-10
"For all have sinned (especially those homosexuals!)and come short of the glory of God." Romans
"God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for (all but those homosexuals) us." Romans 5:8
"He saved (some of ) us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of His mercy." Titus 3:5

(of COURSE the Bible does NOT say that!) But I feel some of us add our own clauses into God's word. The rest of us are just walking perfections and can judge everyone else freely (please note the sarcasm...PLEASE).  I understand that everyone is going to have their own opinions (I won't judge you for yours) but maybe we should use a little more grace when dealing with other people.
Something I tell the kids OFTEN: "focus on yourself"
Matthew 7: 1-5 1 “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2 For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
   3 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

God is saying "focus on yourself boo!" (TKV) I am going to end in saying this: God knows our hearts. None of us is perfect. Pray for me and I'll pray for you. And be careful when you judge the life of others, "lest you be judged". I love you all and I just want the best for your lives. THE END (oooh a touchy subject) Idk why that was so rough for me. *sighs* Well its done!

Anywhoozle... it is still Thursday, I'm happy about that. Plus, I got a phone call at work not too long ago from my sweet love :) "with a message". Then "the message" proceeded to sing to me. "I just called to say I love you. I just called to say how much I care. I just called to say I love you and I mean it from the bottom of my heart." He just makes my whole heart smile.  I never talk to him so early in the morning when we're both at work... it was such a nice addition to my day:)

You guys enjoy the song too! (minus the J guy singing it to you) But Stevie did it nicely also :)

Everyone enjoy your day and refrain from casting too much judgement on others.... that's my peace! 

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Don't Sweat the Small Stuff!

Wednesday! You know how I feel about Wednesdays, right? I love hump day! We're halfway there... and although I'm more of a "glass half empty" kinda girl, "at least I know I'm not thirsty" and I know I have more room to fill it! Kinda a positive- negative... there is a silver lining if you open your eyes to see it. Or if you stop focusing on the negative long enough to appreciate the positive.

Which are you? Glass half full or glass half empty?

Don't sweat the small stuff people! Today's blog is inspired by a conversation I was having with someone earlier today. I asked them how they were doing and they responded "I am fine, just blown." Then offered some detail on what the "problem" was, at the same time saying... "I know I need to let it go but I cant." Actually you can... but I fed into it and asked what the problem was as they hoped I would. At (what I thought would be) the end of the explanation, it left me thinking "that's all" and my actual response was "yes, you're gonna have to let that go!" Then came the "buts, and (illegitimate) excuses, the emotions, the self inflicted stresses, the... (on and on) explanations for holding on to this (in my opinion, not so) problem. To which I then responded "get over it boo". I also gave my whole tough love spew (because I do love you)...

You cannot let the little things affect you. What (significant) in life did their behavior change? There are bigger problems in life to worry about. Don't sweat the small stuff, it just isn't worth it. Life is so much more precious than those little moments of annoyance and worry. Life will go on, put it in perspective, weigh its significance and be honest with yourself over how important it really is. It is sad, but you cant change them. You are only responsible for your own reaction. Don't let that take away from who you are, your children, your life. They are happy, don't make it worse by blowing it out of proportion. Shake it off ASAP!
Of course (yet still surprising to me) my tough love doesn't always work and they responded "you know I wanted to give a piece of my mind right" (meaning they weren't hearing a word of what I was saying, still caught up in the emotion of it all!  After that I had to excuse myself from the conversation. "I don't wanna talk about this with you anymore, you're not listening to anything I'm saying. If you insist on dwelling on it... do you boo! just know it isn't healthy, important or good for you or your kids in the grand scheme of things." THE END cause I absolutely wasn't having anymore of it! That is pretty much ver batim what I said (I copied it straight from the chat, lol).
But I'm having a good day :) I will offer my peace but you have to do the work and be willing.

Seriously though, life is 10 percent what happens to us and 90 percent how we respond to it. You cant go through life overreacting to every situation and expecting positive outcomes. You are in control of 90% of what happens to you, so stop sowing all these seeds on discontent and anger and hate and frustration and revenge and malice and... (on and on), then expect to reap wealth and love and patience and joy and health. It just isn't going to happen that way! And really... it isn't worth it! You are wasting precious life moments focusing and stressing over what people do/don't do and say/don't say to you, for you, or about you! LET IT GO and don't sweat the small stuff! Live your life in spite of others people, because (#trust) they are and they aren't thinking that much about you!
I love you and I just want what's best for you. Even better than that, God loves you and He has plans for you. And I'm sure they don't include giving folk "a piece of your mind" over some not so significant foolishness!

Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV) "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

#random the dress I have on today buttons from top to bottom, but the buttons are a little iffy (they do what they want). Why the buttons aren't big enough for the hole is beyond me, but if you hear about a woman flashing folk on Connecticut Ave... YEA, it was me! LOL

Happy Hump Day all, enjoy your day and remember... Don't sweat the small stuff! That's my peace

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

“You is smart, you is kind, you is important.”

Tuesday. I have to be honest and say I am NOT having a good last 12 hours... I did NOT sleep well, work is annoying me, and I'm not feeling too good about myself today. You ever just have one of those days? (cue 1995 Monica song) Monica~ Don't Take It Personal (Just One Of Dem Days). I went to bed pretty disturbed, slept disturbingly (whatever little bit of sleep I got) and woke up just as disturbed. I still have stupid hair, the J guy isn't being his usual awesome self, and Kai has been driving me crazy. It's all fun and games, til Tamika goes CRAZY! Gnarls Barkley~Crazy Often when the I feel the whole world is against me, I try to self reflect and check myself... most often it is ME that has the problem. Today I am not so certain about that. There is a conspiracy going on where everyone is trying to push my buttons. Idk how you all got in on it, but its not cool and I don't like it AT ALL! I'm just minding my business, and everyone is picking fights with me. Then when I fight back... its not all good anymore. I think we've covered this base, right? I am sweet and silent and serene until you ruffle the calm, then its on and POPPING (all fight)! Brooke Valentine~ Girlfight  (this song is funny). Now, don't get mad when my guns are bigger than yours. Or you didn't intend to take it there. That's not my fault! (was gonna upload Silkk the Shocker and Mystikal's "It Ain't My Fault" right here, but after listening... that song is horrible!) 
My dad, (didn't teach me very much but) he taught me: "We were even til you started picking with me (both fine and unbothered). Then you wanted to be one up and started poking at me? What did you expect me to do, just poke you back? No! you don't wanna be even, remember? Now I'm gonna one up you and punch you in the face!" How you even gonna be mad, you shoulda left us even! (this is what Kirk L. Keys used to teach me... foolishness, right? well it stuck!) And that's just how I'm feeling today (so sad after the "Jesus in my heart" message from yesterday, smh). Shame on me! I need to get these emotions together and you either need to love me or leave me ALONE!
I don't want to cover the blog challenge today, it wouldn't go well. Bobby Brown~ My Prerogative When I am in a mood, I like to keep my talking (and my opinions) to a minimum. I struggle to control the sarcasm and negative tone when something else is bothering me. So I am going to motivate myself today, bask in my awesomeness (even if others don't agree), accept that I am a work in progress, and love me today and every day hereafter!  Beyoncé ~ Me, Myself & I

“You is smart, you is kind, you is important.” 

Yes I is! That's my (not so) peace...

Monday, August 15, 2011

Doughnuts and watermelonade :)

It's Monday guys, how you feeling? I'm actually feeling pretty alright. It's already after 11am, the feeling of sleep deprivation has left me and its almost lunch time... looking good! I had a pretty decent weekend too! Book club (BYOB for life!), the movies to see The Help, QT with the J guy, getting to see my Jules... all AWESOMENESS! Although I did have a horrible hair weekend, all this rain and humidity :( #hairfail. But seeing how that was the pit of my weekend, I am going to count it all JOY (whom I did not see this weekend, along with my other beautiful nieces...phooey)!

Blog challenge for today: Something you don't leave the house without. Well, I often leave my purse and forget my phone, I am completely fine with that. I have seriously become detached from this phone, and that makes me glad. Once upon a time I would've completely turned around for that thing (shame)! My purse, for some reason lately gets minimized to just a large wallet that can only hold money, cards, lip gloss and a phone (if I don't forget it). So my purse can stay home too... I'd leave the whole wallet if I wasn't such a worry wort (thanks mom) and think my body may need to get identified. And money, well J guy makes himself responsible for my every need... :) I'll have to say then, the only thing I make sure I don't leave the house without is gloss on my lips and Jesus in my heart! I have a serious lip gloss/chapstick/please don't lick your lips obsession. Lips right at all times, a must! And everyone around me must also follow suit... especially if you want your lips to touch mine. Poor Kai and J guy... at least I know I'm a mess! But they deal and its really for the best, for everyone. Why would they want to walk around chaplipped anyway? Tam knows best, trust!
About Jesus in my heart, well... that's best for me and for everyone else out in the world. It just means one less cuss out, road rage control (attempted), a smile, an attempt at a positive spirit, courtesy... just me tryna be my best self. And truly that will only be accomplished with Jesus in my heart. He is a permanent resident there and I do not leave home without Him! A lot of lives and feelings get saved in one day just because I am walking around with Jesus. Tamika without Jesus is not a good look!

Life without Jesus, is like a donut... cause there's a hole in the middle of your heart

yum, doughnuts... I could really use a Krispy Kreme glazed doughnut right now :) Speaking of, I have really been slacking off on my workouts but not slacking on my "bad for me" food intake. I will do better this week!

I want to also mention that I did make my watermelon lemonade (now named watermelonade) in the new glass pitcher that J gave me (and served it in my new mason jar glasses) . I wish I would have thought to take a picture... but there will definitely be more juice making #trust. I'll let you all know when, feel free to come over and partake. The watermelonade plus ciroc wasn't half bad either!

I'm going to have lunch then leave out to take Kai to the doctor and enjoy the rest of my day. That's my peace... enjoy the week!

The Boob Tube

Happy Friday! whoop, whoop!!! Oh how I love Fridays, Oh how I love Fridays...♫ (maybe I shouldn't replace "Jesus" in a song... my bad) But I do love Fridays, not as much as Jesus but... :) HEY YA'LL!!! The blog challenge for today: A TV Show You are currently Addicted to??? Hmmm, that's easy. I'm not ADDICTED to any TV show. I barely get any TV time in and Idk how you guys watch as much TV as you do. DVR, maybe? I don't have that luxury though so... Maybe I don't have enough free time or something. When are you guys watching TV? at night? after work? the weekends? Maybe because my love language is quality time, when I do have free time I just want to spend it talking to the J guy. And every other moment of the day is accounted for by errands, kids, dinner, driving... When I do catch some TV (I have to seriously sit here and think about what I like to watch), give me a minute please...

I do like Jeopardy, but I haven't seen it in a WHILE

This should not be as hard as it was... but I have come up with some TV shows I love to watch!
Yay me...
Modern Family is hilarious! I love this show. If you're not watching it... get with the program (literally)!!!

The Game... I love love love this show (before)! I wish it were back how it used to be... It really just isn't the same on BET but I am still a faithful and loyal watcher. And I continue to watch as long as they are on the air. Sadly there are not enough good "black" shows these days. So when we get one, we have to support it! 

Maybe because I was 16 and pregnant.... you think?

16 & Pregnant~ I've heard people say this shows glorifies teen pregnancy and it shouldn't be on TV. But, I think the otherwise...  the series highlights the difficulties associated with being pregnant and becoming a young mother. I like it!

Maybe because I was a Teen Mom... maybe?

Of course we need to know what happens after 16 & Pregnant... Teen Mom! I really just want to know how baby Bentley (I think this name is so cute, in a funny way) is coming along. LOL! Poor Amber and baby Leah, smh.

  Shows I miss... :(

Where would Black television be without The Cosby Show? What would we have to aspire to? The Cosby Show is serious!!!!! I often let Kai stay up to watch the re runs on TV... our children need to know that black TV wasn't always some crap. This is the best of the best... dad's a doctor, mom's a lawyer and they're BLACK! So many memorable moments... there are no words. Black TV hasn't gotten it right forreal since!

Except for maybe with this show... A Different World!
 Who didn't love this show?? I still watch it at 6:00 pm on weekdays, TV One! I sooo love this show, and I was sad to see it go. The episode when Dwayne's yells "baby please!" when he's trying to stop Whitley from marrying Byron Douglas (one of my favorite episodes), oh I could go on forever!

Girlfriends~ "My Girrrrrlfriends, there through thick and then. My girlfriends (myyyy girlfriends) there for anything... my girlfriends!" Such a good show about black women :) being friends. Of course they had their moments, but it was not drama, drama, drama! The show was funny and entertaining. I miss Joan, Mya, Lynn and Toni... and of course William! I look forward to catching Tracy Ellis Ross in her new show with Cosby Show's Malcolm Jamal Warner on BET this fall!

The Wire! I spent one summer watching this whole series on Netflix... I didn't have HBO when this show actually aired. Thank God for Netflix! I actually glad I got to watch it all at once instead of waiting each week in anticipation. This show was AWESOME!!! I could watch the whole series again and again... this show may be actually close to my heart because this is how the J guy and I spent our time when we were still new. The Wire + the J guy = good old fashioned HAPPINESS! I would be remissed if I did not mention my boo Idris... (hopefully the J guy does not read this, he does not appreciate my affection towards Drisy boo!) And Wood Harris whom I've loved since Paid in Full and Remember the Titans... One show, both my honey, guns, drugs, suspense... I was in cable TV HEAVEN!

I'm so late with this post... my bad! Friday morning was hectic. But, this was my peace...