Thursday, August 8, 2013

Privacy Policy

Not much in my life is private anymore. I have an active Facebook, Twitter and Instagram account. I have a rant problem and maybe even a slight problem with over sharing. I've found healing and therapy in voicing my thoughts, frustrations and concerns and with all this social networking access, I find myself (every once in a while) telling my life via the World Wide Web. Lets not forget, here I am (currently 3:23 a.m.) and I'm up typing this blog. Of course I just got done with a Baby Kai feeding but still... It bring me to why I'm here.

Not much is private anymore. I haven't had a baby in 13 years and 13 years ago technology and the access to the Internet was NOT on this level. Did I even have a cell phone? I had no cell, no digital camera, I was not on a Facebook, there was no Twitter, for sure no IG and no one was "sharing" or "hash tagging" or tweeting or blogging their every thought. So my life with a brand new Kai girl was private, void of pictures (other than the ones that landed themselves trapped in a drug store bought, roll rewind, disposable camera. No one expected her picture in the first 24 hours of her life or wanted to know the details of her birth or expected to get the announcement she arrived while the doctor was still stitching my va-j... 
So now that baby Kai, my second born, only boy is here, I just want to keep an element of him to myself for as long as possible. Yes, I am aware that I am responsible for the curious hype surrounding his life. I am the one who overshared the details of my entire, frustrating pregnancy. I am the one who drew everyone in and made them hopeful for a baby that they may never meet. But... I just want to keep a piece of him to myself for as long as I can. I take full responsibility for the buzz I created and hope that my FB status update and less than head shot photos of him were enough to suffice any initial curiosities. Yes, I know I have you all like... "We want more!" But for now, just for a small moment, I just want to have him all to myself and I promise to give the people what they want... in time, on my time, some time "soon". 
For the record, I think he is beautiful. He has the most perfect eyes and beautiful lips and he looks just like Mr. Brawner :). I'm hoping his little brown freckles are a sign of some color to come cause I'd like to walk around with a brown baby who resembles me in some small way. But if he stays the color of corn, I'll love him just the same. 
So I appreciate your cyber love for him, I hope you all really get to meet him in real life sometime because I have this problem where I love people I social network interact with daily. I feel like you all apart of my real life and I am bff's with people I haven't shared air with in 15 years or EVER in some cases. And I'd love for you to know him as well. But for now, I just want to hold him close and keep him to myself. 
Just not enough is private anymore, but I promise to catch you up on Baby Kai soon. For now though. Baby Kai aka...

Malakai Julius Brawner 
Born: August 6, 2013
Weighing: 7lbs 11oz
Time: 11:54 a.m. 

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Slowly But Surely

So I'm laying in a hospital bed... Baby Kai is on his way, slowly but surely. And I feel relieved, not so scared anymore and blessed. He's taking his sweet time, but I don't even mind. It's not going as I planned, but this is just setting the mark for things to come. I'm certain not much will go as I plan for years to come. Thank you Lord for your protection over baby Kai and me. Thank you for smacking some sense into Mr. Brawner and waking him up to be a sufficient support person. Lord knows I wanted to strangle him for sleeping through my contraction pains. It took a cry "I want my mom", for him to realize the severity of my need but at least he got it... slowly but surely. Thank you lord for Dr. Johnson for telling me that getting an epidural did not mean I gave up. It is just "choosing to turn the AC on in 100 degrees". Why suffer the heat when you have AC? Thank you Dr. Johnson... I think I love her. So I'm laying in this hospital bed, unable to sleep (I'm adjusted to that no sleep life), but relaxing nicely thanks to my "epidural high" and just thankful that my God is a God of peace and strength and is EVERYTHING I'm not. And provides me with everything I need. I am definitely better than my last post, not completely fearless but I have a peace that surpasses all understanding. Baby Kai will be here soon and I'm excited. Mr. Brawner is laying on the couch in my room snoring his big heart out, but right now... even that's ok. 
I'll be sure to update you on baby Kai's arrival, until then... Keep me in your prayers and Happy Birthday Baby Kai!