(I started this post June 6, 2015 and didn't post. But it feels necessary to post)
I haven't been here in forever. Not that I haven't had anything to say... it's just something about life right now keeps me quiet. I don't know if I regret that or not. But today, I feel like I have so many words, I just have to say them...
I am so happy. And trust me, I know... happiness is so conditional. That makes this particular happiness even more relevant. Not much about the conditions are blatantly screaming HAPPY, but still... here I am.
Today is my 3 year anniversary married to Mr. B. Life with him, although not always smooth, is a great gift. He is my friend before anything, and I love him beyond my last breath. I look at him and, to this day, I am in awe that I am the lucky one he chose. He is so handsome and kind, and I am so grateful. I have so many feelings, words just aren't enough.
Recently he had a major surgery and I focused every prayer I had to his healing. I couldn't even begin to imagine a life I didn't share with him right by my side. I am so thankful he is recovering and on the mend. Just yesterday, I had to tell him just how terrified I was sitting there for 2 1/2 hours, just waiting for the surgeon to tell me it went well and he was ok. I can't begin to imagine his own level of fears, but he got to be put out and sleep through it. No one offered me that relief. For hours I had to wait, trust, and pray the doctor would deliver good news to me. It is not something I want to do ever again. Post surgery, I expected to be overwhelmed with my role as caregiver, working wife, mom, chauffeur and endless sole responsibility for the needs of our home but the good Lord... provisions! I should be tired and overwhelmed... but the good Lord is a prayer answer-er. He is giving me absolutely everything I need, sustaining me and providing rest, peace and patience I don't usually possess. I am not SuperTam, and I can't even form my mouth to take credit for God being God.
(Edited: continued on July 27, 2015)
But I am ever so thankful for Him giving me love in abundance, peace multiplied and a profuse amount of patience. I, seriously, was sustained and provided for in order to care for my family. Mr. B and I are major partners in our home. We work together. We share the responsibilities, sometimes he carries the majority of the load thankfully. So I anticipated being overwhelmed. I expected to lose it eventually. But I also prayed for God to provide. What was I thinking? What did I expect? Why did I doubt Him?
I rejoice to serve a mighty God who sees me, even when I expect to be forgotten. Gracious to be kept by the King of Glory. Amazed to be loved and cared for. He shows up for me, even when I least expect it. I am just smiling from the inside out. My heart is just so full.
I am thankful for His Peace.