Some days I don't miss her at all. We've had separate lives before. She has her awesome family and I have mine. Separately, our lives are so full and busy we barely really even had time to just be sisters. There were always husbands and kids and... life. I am used to being without her. I can fill a day with a million things and keep busy and some times never even think of her. I just have so. Much. To do. On every. Given. Day. That I don't even have time for all those things. I have 2 piles of laundry that have LITERALLY been sitting on the floor of my room for at least a week already separated and ready to go into the wash. I just keep adding the day's dirty clothes to it. Shame!! I know. But my washer is downstairs and I am ALWAYS carrying a baby down the steps when I go. God forbid I walk him down first, then come back up and get it... he's just following be back up the steps, sooooo "forget it! I'll do laundry tomorrow." I've been saying for over a week now :SIGHS:
I can find a million things to do (laundry just one of many) that could easily replace time spent with my sister.
The other days, aside from the ones that I don't miss her at all, I am missing her like crazy, If I even think "dang it, I miss Jules!" *major waterworks* (even now as I type). Sitting here at my desk wondering why I am doing this to myself in this moment. We've had separate lives for so long, that I have the experience to know that being together is better. Separately, our lives were so full that it made the greatness of being together that much more of a reward. There are always husbands and kids and... life. But she is my sister, there is truly nothing greater than that. As much as I love those other people in my life, there really is no comparison to my sister. She understands my soul. I have so. Much. To do. On every. Given. Day. That I want to just forget all those things and just have a break for sister time. I want to leave laundry on the floor of my room for a week because spending the day at my sister's was just more important. I want her here cause she'll see the laundry on my floor and take that baby let him follow her where ever she's going, up her steps. He'll experience life with Aunt Ju and I'll get to watch him be in as much awe of her as I am.
I can find a million things to do that could easily replace time spent with my sister, but sadly I'll still wish she were here. And I will have to keep busy just to forget that she isn't.
Then I'll see an awesome pic she posted on Facebook and smile cause she's just so beautiful and those J girls are just amazing and then I'll cry cause I'm not there. And in comparison, my day starts to feel like it sucked even though it was a perfectly fine day. And now I'm wallowing and I just want to talk to her but, at the same time not, cause I don't want to bring her down with my cry baby emotions that will just escalate as soon as I hear her voice. Then she'll worry because I'm crying and haven't said what was wrong yet, then when I finally get out "I just miss you sooo much!!!!" next, she's crying and it's just a mess! And all I did was make us both sad and we're not even together to hug it out. So we'll just be two lonely sisters crying and no one to hug. It's all so stupid! And so... as I wipe my crying face with these really great Kleenex cool touch* tissues and notice all my mascara wiped off and I probably look super cray.. I'm just gonna pull myself together, get back to work and busy myself with not missing her at all.
Then I'll message her about scheduling in a FaceTime Friday (we actually Skype now), since we missed Thursday's session (yesterday) and it's probably just our regularly scheduled talks that keep me in a sane place.
Officially missing my peace.
|no, seriously I love this Kleenex* tissue|
This song is not about sisters, but I really love it.
All I hear is raindrops
Falling on the rooftop
Oh sister tell me why'd you have to go
Cause this pain I feel
It wont go away
And today I'm officially missing you
I thought that from this heartache
I could escape
But I fronted long enough to know
There ain't no way
I'm officially missing you