Friday, September 30, 2011


HELLLLOOOO Friday! I love this day. I am tryna plan in my mind all the things I need to do today. I have a class at church, I need to make ice cream cup cakes for Nae's bday (I'll let you know how those turn out) and I need to go to the grocery store... not enough hours in the day.
I need to make a grocery list, first of all, cause I tend to wander around the grocery store without a plan... no good! I want to become one of those people who is sooo organized it's kinda nauseating (my sweet Jules comes to mind). But it is an awesome thing to accomplish and it is my goal. It kinda feels impossible though. You know your personality traits you don't have complete control over (the children's book The Treasure Tree comes to mind) My mom used to read the book, The Treasure Tree, to Jules and I (maybe Kirk too, he is a faded memory in my childhood). I loved this book, it helped show personality traits and how to respect and appreciate each individual for who they are by using animals (a lion, beaver, otter and golden retriever) to display each different temperament. I don't remember which one mine was but I just know organized it was of those traits I do not naturally possess. (I definitely recommend this book for children). 
I am about to make a major attempt to work on that. We're talking lists and coupons and recipes and I really want to scrap book (I've never) and bake more, read more, workout more and start jarring (canning and preserving foods), juicing and revamp my blog a little and still be a functional, working mother (girlfriend/sister/friend). It seems like a big task to take on, almost impossible but I know (not really, just syking myself, that I am capable. I just have my mind on these things constantly... and it feels URGENT! (everytime I say "urgent", makes me think of the last scene in my favorite movie Love Jones, actually the last minute).
Maybe asking to successfully master all these hobbies is a ridiculously inaccessible task, but what kinda loser would I be if I didn't at least try. One by one if necessary... (I so desperately wanted to add poetry, painting, party planning and puzzling to the list) but we'll start small, think big and meet somewhere at a happy place in the middle.
So now all I need is for someone to buy me a new camera (my birthday will be here before you know it), some new mason jars (w/o the handle), a few puzzles, some fresh fruit, a few new kitchen utensils... and I'll be all set!

I just enjoyed a really good lunch at the food trucks today in Farragut Square, yummy! And lunch lasted all of and hour and a half, so this Friday is really looking up. Still tryna figure out how I'm going to fit life into a few hours but I'm sure it'll all work out! There truly are never enough hours in a day!!

You guys enjoy this weekend. I get to see my friends and family for Nae's bday dinner :) and I'm excited!

I included the last scene of Love Jones just in case you failed to click on the link... (I ♥ this movie!) 

Nina Mosley(Nia Long): You always want what you want when you want it. Why is everything so urgent with you?
Darius Lovehall(Larenz Tate): Let me tell you somethin'. This here, right now, at this very moment, is all that matters to me. I love you. That's urgent like a mother....

That's my peace!!!!

Thursday, September 29, 2011

A Picture of Peace

It's Thursday, September 29th 2011... it's my baby Nae's 15th birthday! Happy Birthday Nae! I love you. I'm so excited about birthdays, especially those for the people I LOVE love love. I hope Nae is having a great day exploring the city, being a big girl.

I realized I hadn't finish all the blog topics yet so... a picture of something that is important to me? Can I take a picture of my sanity? That's super important to me. What would a photo of sanity look like? (I tried to google it... nothing!)
Love is also important to me... feeling it, giving it, receiving it, expressing it, being it. Everything about it! I love love.
And my peace... I would fight a war to protect my peace! (contradictory, I know) But my peace is worth the fight!
In other news... I bought the BYOB club book yesterday. It was $11 at Barnes & Noble, the guy gave me 30% discount because the pages weren't binded correctly. I told him it would take away from the joy of me reading the book, he went with it (lol). That was a day maker. Also yesterday, I got to hold a baby :) trying to resist the "fever" that sets in when most women my age come in close contact with a newborn. Resist, resist! What else? Did I mention today is my Nae's birthday? I think I did, hmmm... I think that may be it. I desperately need to wash this hair TONIGHT! If I don't, I welcome you all to disown me... forreals, its that bad! It doesn't smell or anything, just looks gross. Pray for me, thanks!
Is there anything else? No, I guess not. You guys enjoy this partly sunny Thursday. Wish my Nae a Happy Birthday if you get a chance and she is accepting gifts. I have to fit alot of things into this evening, wish me luck!
That's my peace!

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

The Up and Update

So... I'm feeling a little better and I didn't want to leave you guys thinking I was still having a horrible day. I have since recovered. Idk if it was the delicious sandwich I had for lunch, the delightful FrozenYo that I had as a break time snack, the joy of leaving out of this office and sitting in the park for a while as I ate my frozen yogurt treat, the quality time with my work bff Kaitlyn, the sun finally shining, or you guys' prayers and encouragement... or possibly a combination of it all! Whateverthecase (yes, always one word. lol) I feel better and you should know it!
I read over my last week's Mid week blues blog and I realized I have not updated you on any of the occurrences from last week's issues. So, on that note...
Firstly, my bff is awesome. So strong and loving... even when she is going through something, she manages to help me through whatever I'm going through. Make sure you find yourself a friend like mine! (but get your own, k?)
Secondly, I forgot all about Zumba until my work bff asked me did I go last night. O_o oh yea... Zumba, no I didn't go. So not committed, Idk why I didnt love it. I expected to LOVE it!!!
Thirdly, a BYOB club book has been decided on... Such A Pretty Face by Cathy Lamb!!! I'm excited to get to reading! Feel free to read along with BYOB and let me know if you're interested in joining us for the discussion :)  (now I just need to get the book which is NOT in the PG County library) HUMPH!
Fourthly, the toothache is still doing it's own thing :( I know I should go to the dentist but it's always something with these teeth! It's starting to make me ANGRY
And last but certainly not least... this (not so) diet. I have been being a real slacker. It started all well, I was committed... then idk what happened, the motivation is departing. I will get back into the swing of things, but I really NEEDED that FrozenYo today. I tried 3 new flavors (peach, cherry and red velvet)... all YUM! I also added my all time fave dulce de leche, a few cone pieces, some graham cracker "dust" and a cherry :) #frozenyogurtheaven.
I mentioned my hair last Wednesday... and how I need new hair ideas. I have been a natural hair mess this week. First off, it needs a wash. I just cant see how I am gonna be able to devote time to this "stretched afro" routine... I love my blow dryer. It is a lifesaver, how am I supposed to let it go??? it's what's best, I know. I hope to get it done today. Still no new natural hair idea, thanks guys for all your (sarcastic) help! This week, I've just been in a ponytailed bun with a flat twist coming from the front to the side and into the ponytail (if that makes sense). Pretty much not letting my hair flow in all it's natural glory. But I will get it together... watch!

One thing I know... it'll all be alright! Glad my day found it's way up. Hope you guy's are making the most of your Wednesday... that's my peace!


Wednesdays used to be my good days. But I'm pretty certain, Wednesday wasn't cutting it last week either. I feel like I have so much pent up frustration. Honestly, I really just want to scream and cry. And it's not just one thing I can pinpoint. It's a LOT of little things that are out of my control. It used to feel easier. It used to feel worth it. I don't like wallowing in the negativity of the day, but today... it seems like nothing is working. I woke up feeling rested. Then, the morning happened... reality hit! Annoyances, anxiety, overwhelmingness. I read my bible and did my work for this class I'm in at church and I actually recovered for awhile. But it's hitting me again. You think I can sit here and read my Bible at my desk?

Ever just feel like you're a team of 1? (even if you're not)... Ever just feel like you're in it all by yourself? No one's on your side? No one understands (and are not trying to)? That's how I feel right now... like I am working hard and making an effort but what's it all for? Work, life, friendships... *SIGHS* (in caps cause it was a BIG sigh).
I don't like to blog negatively (as real as it is right now), so I'm going to leave it here. I need to get it together for my Nae's bday tomorrow :) I want to be all smiles! (and not the fake kind).

You guys try to enjoy the rest of this wet day.

I hope to have my peace back tomorrow... can I borrow some from somebody? Somebody, anybody?

My coworker Kaitlyn just walked by and rubbed my back for all of 5 seconds, it was much needed. (hopefully I don't look how I feel) Maybe she was rubbing a little peace on me... here's hoping!

Monday, September 26, 2011

The Best Bite

Hey guys! I'm back, did you miss me? I played a little game called hookie from my blog... NEVER! Forreals I just was NOT at work and so I didn't get in front of a computer these last few days. I missed you though.
I feel like much hasn't been going on so I don't have much to cover. I feel good right now although I should be sleepy as heck. I have a TV date tonight with my J to watch Two and A Half Men... now this isn't my show or anything, it's his. But the quality time with him is PRICELESS so I'll watch (almost) anything if it's with him. I have come to appreciate the show after many a hours it was forced upon me. Plus, the shows that surround it are pretty decent, so I am willing to compromise. He indulges some of the crap tv I choose to watch, so its all give and take! And I think (hope) I've been doing pretty good at this whole give and take thing. I'll make it a point to ask J about it. I know for a while, I was solely "my way or no way" or at least "my way or you'll never hear the end of it if I have to do it your way". To sum it up in one word... DIFFICULT! Often times, I am intentionally difficult. Why? I have no idea. LOL. But whateverthecase... I know I am often purposefully hard on people. Am I testing them? their commitment to me? their boundaries? I really don't know. This is going to require some self reflection. But I am aware that I do it. I feel like it was because the guards were still up. "I'm only gonna give you this much and if you want more, you're going to have to sacrifice alot and put up with this". Thankfully, I didn't run a whole slew of folk off and I have a special bunch of people in my life that love me and are consistent in spite of me, UNCONDITIONAL. But all it does is make me love them all that much more and when I finally do come to my senses, I want to give them all of my all! Like you rode the storm with me and you're still here, loving me? Oh! Then, I'll share my last sandwich with you AND you can bite the middle! (NOW you KNOW that's the best part... the perfect bite). That's how I feel about the folk that stick it out with me. They deserve that bite and I am more than willing. Yesterday, Kai asked for a bite of the ham sandwich J made for me... it had lettuce and pickle and mustard and a little mayo. I let her bite the end and after she finished that bite, she asked "can I have that bite right there?" And yes you guessed it, it was smack in the middle. It was sandwich perfection. I was hungry too... MAN! But of course, I let her have it. I glared at her with the side eye but she got it. I think she's testing me sometimes... she doesn't even like mayo (that's an understatement... she cringes at the sight of mayo). So why did she want my perfect bite...? testing me! She is just like her mama :) what can I say?
But anywhoozle... lately, I have been deliberate in my attempt at compromise, releasing control, affective give and take, letting someone else be the boss... it's tough #trust. I've been steering this ship for a minute on my own. Even in other relationships, even when folk thought they had complete control, I still found a way to do exactly what I wanted even if it meant mental manipulation. I could make you think I was doing exactly what you wanted. And also have you doing what I wanted and thinking it was what you wanted. It's a scary power and I was not using it wisely. I don't want that anymore. I want this open, honest, trusting thing I have with J. Idk if he knows how much I appreciate him. His patience is amazing, it would have to be to deal with me. Because honestly, I am CRAZY and if it were not for God's grace, I should be/would be strapped down somewhere on serious watch (padded walls and all). But I'm not and because I have this opportunity at life and love, I'm tryna do it well... full and free! And being Mr. Awesome, he gladly permits it. Although lately, he does suggest that I should be put in a box. I can't help that I'm pretty awesome, don't try and keep me boxed and hidden. Let me out and appreciate that you got me! no worries, hakuna matata!
So, I am going to keep letting these walls fall. Or better yet... J is going to keep up his Joshua hustle and patiently wait as God collapses these Jericho walls. Blow that trumpet and march J! lol

Kai is try to finagle a new phone out of me... she texted me earlier talking about "Mommy my phone is acting incompitent"... she spelled it a little wrong, but I think its cute her use of that word. So special she is. Also, over the weekend, she was online googling stuff. She decided my name would be fun to google and she came to me talking about "mommy, they have all your information. Where you used to live, your old phone number, everything." That's creepy. Then, she googled her own name and of course it came up that I mentioned her in my blog Joy In Spite Of haha. "mommy, did you blog about me?" lol, good thing I said nice things. That is the last time I say her full name in the blog! The internet is something else! Be careful.

Did I make any sense today? Felt like I went off on a serious tangent... Welp! It's been awhile, I'll get it back tight!

Enjoy the rest of your work week... Live it FULL AND FREE! That's my peace

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Mid week blues

It's Wednesday! the day I love so much doesn't feel as good today. Don't get me wrong, I am having a good day but something just doesn't feel right.
First, I need to call my best friend. I miss her happy voice.
Second, my body is super sore from Zumba last night. Idk how I feel about that class... it was ok. Maybe I needed a buddy, my madre BAILED on me. Thanks mom (sarcastically) but at least I kept motivated and still went. I have a hard time motivationg myself, but the J guy and my fav J girl (lol, Jules) were both very helpful in encouraging me. Thanks ya'll! It felt good although I am not yet convinced I am going to be a Zumba regular...
Thirdly, I am a loser for still not having chosen a book for BYOB yet. I had to nix the book club vote because it was too difficult to get our hands on, so now there is no book! I need to READ. My soul is aching for a good book.
D: (lol, fourthly.. that was a joke) I have a slight toothache! That is THEE worst!
E: I am on this "diet" and I'm a little hungry... this oatmeal and salad may not carry me to dinner, I'm gonna go get a snack (healthy of course). Pray for me guys! I just feel like... something I can't explain. I'm gonna get that snack and work on the BYOB choice. I cant leave my people out here bookless (knowledge is power).

Another thing, I need to look into new hair ideas... as much as I am loving my "hair revelation revolution", I'm honestly getting a little bored with myself. I need another natural look! Any ideas? So I've got some work to do... snack, book, hair ideas!
You guys enjoy the rest of this Wednesday ( I typed Monday first, lol. That's kinda how I feel... like Monday drab)! I have a date with my mom tonight, I don't think she'll stand me up two nights in a row (let's hope). I need to entertain myself in the city til showtime, anyone in the city this evening? Want to enjoy a salad or some soup with me? Call me! (lol)

That's my peace!

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Love and Life

Happy Tuesday! Yesterday I wanted to post this article I read (compliments of Jules) on Black Love and Marriage but my blog got away from me and I didn't want to overwhelm you all with too much. I agreed with the points in the article and wanted to share it with you guys...

Boris Kodjoe Tweets Advice On How To Be A Man And How To Love A Woman

Happily married actor, Boris Kodjoe in response to a friends tweets about what to look for in a man, chimed in with a list of his own on how to be a man and how to love a woman.  We give major props to Boris because he unashamedly represents marriage in a positive way and has no problem affirming his wife Nicole Arie Parker.
“- Embrace your imperfections
- Laugh at yourself. A woman likes a man who doesn’t take himself too serious.
- Fix or build something with your hands. It’ll show her that you are capable of taking care of a home.
- Know how to cook and clean. It’ll show her that you don’t need her but that you WANT her.
- Get your passport and travel. A man needs to see the world.
- Communicate without cursing. You don’t need to curse to make a point. Cursing shows lack of substance.
- In bed, take care of your woman first. When she’s satisfied you are DA MAN!!!
- Stay in shape. It’ll show her that you care about yourself and therefore are able to care about her.
- Take care of your responsibilities. Anything less is unacceptable. A boy is irresponsible, not a man.
- Open her her door and pull out her chair. It shows her that you honor traditional values. Trust me, she will do the same.
- Be present! Take her in with your eyes and ears. Your attention will make her feel loved and she won’t ever nag you.
- Read a f—ing book! (Sorry, violation of ‘no cursing’ rule) But seriously, ignorance is a major turn-off. Book on tape will do.
- Have an ambition. You don’t need to be rich but you need to show direction and motivation. Keep a job!
- Last one for today: Treat a woman the way you would want your daughter to be treated. Anything less is unacceptable.”

Ladies you may want to show this list to your man! Fellas if you’re reading this, take note.

What do you guys think? Good points, right?

On a (completely) different note.... Cherish life, yours and the people around you. Make time for the people you love and stop wasting time worrying and fighting with the folk that don't matter. We never know when life will be taken from us, so make every moment count. Love, Joy and (of course) PEACE be with you all.

Dear Heavenly Father, I pray that You cover her and keep her. Let her rest in Your arms of protection and love. Let her know that she doesn't have to carry it all alone, You are with her. Let her know that You are the JOY in her sorrow, the PEACE in her trouble, the LOVE in her pain. Help her to depend on You and rest in Your promises. Life and death are in Your hands and Lord we are trusting You to be the source of our strength in this moment. We love You and I thank You in advance for being who you are and giving us what we need. Help the people around her to be sensitive to her hurt and love her through her pain. I know that You will provide... In Jesus Name, AMEN!
Excuse me, I had to pray for my friend. Ain't no shame in my Jesus game! And hopefully you will add my prayer to your prayers... thanks!

Let's get this party started, fill a bucket, rejoice in the day (rain or shine) and have a piece of my PEACE! (it's yours for the taking)

Monday, September 19, 2011

It's Friday again! (in my mind)

good morning free world! Happy Monday! Last night I woke up to the tv still being on and what do I see on tv? Our favorite tv pastor... Joel Osteen. I love Joel, he's so (annoyingly) positive and happy. At the end of the program, he promoted his new book, Every Day A Friday where he explains that research shows people are happiest on Fridays. Pastor Joel Osteen tells us how we can generate this level of contentment and joy every day of the week. So, with that being said, I am trying to make my Monday feel like a Friday and maybe (MAYBE) I will make it a point to read the book. We'll see...

So I had a fun filled, awesome weekend. I filled each day with a little something and I managed to see just about everyone I love at some point, YAY ME! But seriously, I fit a whole lot into one weekend, it was super. I got home Friday evening and went to a class at church with my mom. Later that night, I went with the J guy to his show and met up with my friend Gifta. Saturday I took Kai and Nae to my niece/cousin Lexi's Birthday party at the "cupcake" pavillion (term cupcake used very loosely, it tasted like no cupcake I'd ever eaten nor would ever want to eat again). My favorite aunt Lisa and Uncle Ronnie's daughter turns 7 this week... I so love my Lexi. My sister Jules showed her pretty face there with her hubby Garrick and my wonderfully beautifully awesome nieces Jaryn, Jaelyn and Joy :) Then I went with J to his oldest daughter's birthday party at D&B. Later Saturday night, I got to see my #1 bestest Chelita for the fight party... good friends, fun times! I brought J with me and sometimes mixing your boo and your friends is NOT a good idea. I loosen up when J is around. Most of my "homies" only know uptight Tamika, but I forgot to be uptight with J there... (I will not tell the story of our affection causing big jokes, glad everyone (especially Suzette and "Chocolate") had good laughs at our expense, THE END). My sis and my brother Kirk came through for the "fight". Man, that fight... interesante! SMH. Sunday I got up and went to church, stopped by my grandma's house and then to the movies with J. Uhhh... K. Hart, you disappointed me! But... that was J's movie choice. It's his birthday week, so... he's the boss! Hopefully, the week doesn't fall apart with him in charge (lol, j/k). Overall, I had a good weekend and now it's Monday and I feel good. A little sleepy, but good!

Feeling a lot more awake this afternoon than I did this morning! Happy Afternoon! While I was out getting my lunch, this lady says to me... "Girl you are doing it in those tights!" I politely smiled and said thank you. She then said, "you know WE dont usually compliment each other but GIRL we should and I had to let you know I love them tights." I told her I appreciated her telling me and that she made my day! Then immediately, I thought how this is exactly what I was talking about from last week... words of affirmation and filling a bucket personified! And even this lovely black woman, whom I do NOT know, realizes that we should make it an effort to love, encourage and support one another with our words! Even something as simple as telling someone they look nice (especially a stranger). She really did make my day and at the same time reaffirmed my quest to fill buckets and encourage others to do the same. WHY NOT compliment someone who you think looks nice? Why not tell your friends, spouse, family you love them? Make it a habit to share words of affirmation with loved ones, strangers and friends. It's a bucket filling movement! Join me PLEASE!

And in the spirit of bucket filling I shared my Victoria's Secret free panty coupon with my work bff Kaitlyn. She makes working in my office more pleasant and I appreciate her positive outlook on (literally) EVERYTHING! She makes my heart smile.
Speaking of sharing... 3 times this weekend I had to give 3 different children at 3 different moments the speech about sharing. "I encourage everyone to share! Sharing is the nice thing to do. It pleases me and more importantly, it pleases God. Although I want everyone to share and I encourage it, I will not, cannot and refuse to force you to share. I would hope that everyone would be a willing sharer, knowing when you do not share you disappoint me... but more importantly you are disappointing God. I trust you to make the right choice." Then I walk away or tell them they can go now. Sometimes, after the speech, sharing happens... often times it doesn't and most times I have no idea what happens next because I don't follow up. But I am serious about not forcing the kiddies to share. I used to, but it really is a waste. Eventually, as parents, we have to give the instruction, share the consequence, express our hope and then walk away and trust our children to make the right choices. They won't always do what we hope, we won't always know every choice they make. But we have to make sure we do our job instructing them, then trust our efforts, pray over them and hope for the best. I am not saying, I'm going about this the right way and I'd really like your opinions on it. What do you think? Should I just say "share with your sister!" And leave them no options? Or, what? Let me know what you think and in the meantime, pray for me #seriously.

Everyone enjoy the rest of the work week and try to make "every day a Friday"! That's my peace!

Friday, September 16, 2011

Filling Buckets!

Friday, I LOVE you!!! Happy Friday peeps! I was planning to get right into today's blog challenge... 15 Facts About Me but...

1. I couldn't even think of one! LOL

So... maybe we'll save that for another day. This weekend is looking to be a busy one, but in a good way. Expecting to see alot of my favorite people, so I am excited. Today the J guy is on SUPER, must be the note I put into his lunch. I tell you, add a little note to any one's lunch (kid or grown adult) and you will see an effect. Words of Affirmation (although it is not every one's love language), really make a difference in someone's day. Often times, we assume people know how we feel about them so we overlook the magnitude of actually telling them. But what if we did? Imagine the responses you'd get if you told someone how nice you thought they looked, or how important they are to you, or just how much they affect your life. I try to not forget the little things in life. How the simplest things make the biggest differences. If you don't already do it, try putting a note in your child's lunchbox. Just the simple act of letting someone know you thought about them... oh the joy they feel. This weekend, try focusing on the little things like holding hands, saying I love you, complimenting a friend, or even try all 3 at the same time... (example) "Chelita *grabs her hands* you are so beautiful today, I just love you so much, you really are my bestest friend" *smile, hug*. Look, you just made someone's day and I bet you'll make yourself feel good too. Try it and see.
You guys have an awesome weekend! Make it a point to "fill someone's bucket".

And I sooo recommend the book "Have You Filled A Bucket Today?" for (especially) kids but also for adults.

Through simple prose and vivid illustrations, this heartwarming book encourages positive behavior as children see how rewarding it is to express daily kindness, appreciation, and love. Bucket filling and dipping are effective metaphors for understanding the effects of our actions and words on the well being of others and ourselves.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

My Letter

Whoop whoop! It's Wednesday, right? I seriously woke up thinking it was Thursday, but I'm up to date and now I have the pleasure of siking myself up to appreciate this actual day. You're moving too fast Tamika! SO... it's Wednesday! Whoop Whoop!!! lol.
Anywhoozle, I am going to give a second attempt to the blog challenge: A letter to someone who hurt you...
Unlike yesterday, I didn't put any thought into what or who I wanted to address so, we'll all be surprised at the end of this. Here goes EVERYTHING!


I am writing you this letter because you've hurt me. I trusted you to love me and you disappointed me. I felt I should be able to count on you and I sometimes couldn't. You put me in critical, dire situations. Often times, I didn't know how I was going to survive them. Luckily, but no thanks to you, I am still alive. You were supposed to take better care of me, yet you were the one who hurt me the most. Often times I questioned how you could possibly love me treating me like you have? Your love, time and again, felt like hate. The line can't be that thin... I want you to know that everything you've ever done wrong to me, only made me better and stronger and I've learned so much from the life you awarded me. Fortunately, instead of holding on to it and living miserably, I was able to find freedom from those chains and live peacefully and joyfully in spite of you. I do love you and I want what's best for you, but I need you to want the same for me. I hope you know that you are a better person than the one you portray. I know things haven't always been pleasant and easy for you and there are many situations you should have never had to experience once, yet they've been reoccurring for you. I know you have pain and heartache and anger but... don't let life's happenings control your happiness. We are stronger than that. We deserve better than the life others tried to inflict on us. I love you and more importantly I forgive you. Only thing left... forgive yourself.

Love, Tamika

*sighs* Now that was rough! I wrote this letter because there have been too many people in my life who've hurt me. More times than not, it's been someone who I loved and trusted and never expected to cause me such pain. The statement always rings true for me "the ones you love the most, hurt you the most". It makes sense though, those are the people you are most vulnerable with. This letter could have fit so many names into the "Dear_____," space (2 people come to mind very quickly and I used the pain they caused me for inspiration in my letter) but I wrote this letter to the one who's hurt me the most... myself. Dear Tamika.
I am the one who should have taken the best care of myself, even when I could not count on other people. I take responsibilty for my choices and mistakes and the people in my life who've hurt me... I chose them (most of them anyway)! Free will is a MOTHER... (pun intended. You get it? lol, probably not)
Yes, I've made mistakes and put myself into some CRAZY situations. If God would have left me to myself and my own devices, I would be/should be dead right now. To God be the Glory! If only we had all day...

I am working daily not to let the yesterdays affect the todays and tomorrows. Thanks for indulging me and giving me the space to be my (better) self. I am still a work in progress, so forgive me when I mess up. I forgive me! That's my peace!

                             Loving You No More
Idk if I can take this "music" serious, but it seemed fitting. Yay? Nay? eh... *shrugs*

                                                   This song also came to mind... (doesn't quite fit, but I like it and its my blog!)
                          112-Your Letter
The actual music video was a little blurry...

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

The Runaway Bride Man

From September 13, 2010

There is a sad epidemic of “runaway bride” men out there! We need to put a stop to it. There are a slew of men out there who appear perfect for us. They are so nice and seem so awesome, they like what we like, and they’re funny. They take us out to the places we want to go, they can hang out with us wherever we go, get along with our friends, good conversation… BUT be aware, BEWARE! He may have “runaway bride syndrome”!!!!!
 What's the "runaway bride” man syndrome? I know you want to know. It has nothing to do with a man leaving us women at the altar… If you’ve seen the movie and recall Julia Roberts’ role in it, you should remember that she went from man to man seemingly in perfect relationships. She never did anything wrong, right? She appeared to be the perfect woman for every man she was with but then… she would get to the altar, choke and run! Lol (humorous)
Well… these “runaway bride” men are not leaving us at any altars, it’s not that dramatic but… in the movie Julia Roberts (JR) conformed herself to every relationship she was in. She had no mind of her own. “How do you like your eggs?” JR changed the way she liked her eggs depending on the man she was with. So… Are you a “runaway bride” man? Do you have “runaway bride” syndrome? Are you dating a man with “runaway bride syndrome”?
Women want a man with a mind of their own. You may be a nice guy and treat me nicely, but are you teaching me anything? Are you seeing the world through my eyes only? Do you like what you like because I like it? I need you to know who you are and what you like and what you want to do before you can be with me or any woman for that matter. “How do you like your eggs?” lol. Don’t hard scramble your eggs with cheese and sometimes onions just cause that’s how I like mine… Eat your eggs how you like them and open my eyes to a new way to eat them. Now I’m stubborn and may not want to try your eggs but hey don’t not eat your eggs just cause I don’t. What kind of music do you like? Where have you been? Teach me something. I know us women are so more progressed these days, we make more money, we go more places, we are smarter and just all around more well rounded (its cause we read books, lol) but that just means you need to step your game up. You need to be able to take me somewhere I’ve never been, introduce me to new foods. No woman wants to be the one who knows and shows everything. We want a man that can lead us. How you gonna lead if you following me everywhere I go? How are you expanding my mind? I want you to be able to help me grow too.
You are a nice guy? We get that! You take good care of me, dote on me, worship the ground I walk on, thank you… I appreciate you for that. But it’s not enough. I need a challenge. What are you bringing to the table? What are you contributing to the convo? Don’t ask me my opinion on something then package it up, reword it and try to sell it back to me! Have an opinion of your own. DO I need to walk around with a trademark lawyer when I’m with you? Are you stealing my ideas? I will sue you! But then again my bad… you have nothing to sue for! It will be a waste of MY time and MY money!
You do have something though… what is it? Ignorance. You are not open-minded, you don’t read, and you are angry. Your dislike for homosexuals is nauseating! If you’re gonna dislike them, please feel the same hate for the crime, the liars, the thieves, the murderers, and the travesties going on in our world today! Do you know whats' going on in the world? Read the paper, watch the news and please stop trying to debate me on matters that you cant back up with factual information. Be able to hold a conversation on something other than sports. Sportscenter is not the only channel. There is more going on in the world than your life, look beyond your own Backyard… and I am not talking about the go go band! But speaking of… please know more music than rap, hip hop and r&b. There is a whole world out there, explore it. Then maybe we women will want to explore it with you and not with our girl friends! now to be fair... there are plenty and I mean plenty of "runaway bride" women out there but.. you are a man, BE A MAN! thank you. #thatisall

And I am not saying this is ALL men! but if you recognize it as yourself, please adjust accordingly. I just wanted to inform the women of what is going on out there so she isn't wondering why she cant stay interested in this seemingly awesome guy! Don't feel bad that this really nice guy isn't keeping your attention. He is a "runaway bride" man and you deserve to be challenged!

so…  Ask yourself do you have “runaway bride” syndrome? “How do you like your eggs?” lol…

Now I really want to watch the movie. Movie night anyone?

Hair Revelation Revolution

Monday feels (felt) good today (yesterday). Usually, I dread Monday mornings... but this (that) morning I felt good! I had a nice full weekend, filled with fun times and spent with good friends. I swear I love those ladies. My soul sister (who I rarely get to see) celebrated her birthday this weekend. I love her sosososo much! She is like my personality doppelganger... quiet unless comfortable, sweet unless provoked and just REAL and FUN! No judgements, no phoniness, a breath of fresh air (do I see myself that way? hhmmm, I must). I relish the time I do spend with her. I hope she enjoyed her birthday weekend... I can't wait til next year! Happy Birthday!

Well, it's Tuesday now. And despite the shade the J guy was throwing me this morning, I'm feeling good! (joy in spite..)
Over the weekend I had a hair revelation revolution! Saturday morning, I decided I was not going to get up and straighten my hair with the flat iron. I decided that I was going to wash my hair and make magic happen! I worked out real good then I got in the shower and washed my hair! When I got out, I conditioned it with my Wen shampoo/conditioner/leave-in conditioner (thanks g-ma for putting me on) and plaited it into four braids (process used for "stretched afro"). Then I went about my day (four braids and all, hat on). I took the hat off in the car with the windows down to let the air help dry my hair. But the objective was to leave the braids in til my hair was completely dry. I went about my day (good thing I didn't have many plans) and when I got home I put flexi rods on the end of each braid to give it a curl at the ends. By the time I was ready to go out Saturday night I had a dried stretched afro... that, if I say so myself, was pretty HOT! I loved it and it was very conducive to the hot air and uncontrollable sweating that happens in the club. My hair only got better and fuller in all that heat, unlike that straightened. No matter how fabulous my straightened hair started out, let a drop of water fall on it... DONE!

stretched afro tamed for work...
twist out/bantu knot out
Knowing I had to go to work Monday (and they are not yet ready for my natural hair in all its fabulousness), I took the time Sunday night to oil and moisturize it, then twist out/bantu knot it overnight (the same hair I attempted to give Kai). Monday morning brought for another day of really awesome hair. I'm proud of myself for my new found courage to experiment with my natural hair. Work out (minus the worry of keeping straight hair), here I come! Uh oh, watch out now! :)

Today I intended to cover the blog challenge: A letter to someone who hurt you. I even wrote the letter in my mind while I was laying in bed this morning, but... maybe that wasn't a good idea. I let myself have that moment, cried myself back to sleep for my last 45 minutes of sleep and woke up feeling good. So we'll leave that alone today, k? thanks

We're almost to the Hump of the week... enjoy your Tuesday and be blessed. Have a revelation revolution of your own, then tell me about it! I think I'm on to something and I'm excited! Get excited with me... sucks to be alone in your excitement :(

Whoop Whoop!!! That's my peace!

Friday, September 9, 2011

I Believe in You!

Happy Friday! :) The sun is finally shining today... YAY! I am feeling good today, the sun makes a major difference in your mood. Whodathunkit? I was feeling kinda drab and sleepy this morning but all of a sudden I'm rejuvenated!
This morning I was at CVS at 6 a.m. to buy a bag of chocolates for I-kai's political campaign. She is running for Vice president of her 6th grade class, she talked herself out of President because she's new to the school and I talked her out of treasurer because she's just fit to be a leader (in my mommy opinion). But she was sooo convinced that she shouldn't shoot so high because she's new and doesn't have many friends yet. But as her mommy, it is my job to encourage her dreams, even when they seem out of reach to her. We decided that VP was a happy attainable medium and that since her new friend is running for President, maybe its best not to rattle the new friendship (which I had to respect). I understand how 11 year old politics are... so wishy washy. So I convinced her she'd be a wonderful VP and so what she was new... "you're awesome! You're smart, kind, gorgeous... politics is all about looks babe and I've seen those other kids! You're funny, personable. Babe, I believe in you. You just have to believe in yourself." (I reiterated my belief in her in today's lunch box note :) just in case she forgot throughout the day) I made her posters, bought her the chocolates to win over the insatiable cravings of those 6th graders, went over her speech, gave her Presidential hair, cleaned the sleep from her eye "how are you going to be VP with a dirty face?" Told her I love her, prayed over her and sent her on her way. I thought about it all day...

I-Kai Keys
Responsible, Trustworthy & Kind!

and then, not too long ago I got the call. Kaia won! "YAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!" I am so proud of her. Glad I was there to help her through it. Thankful that I get to celebrate her success with her (instead of mending a disappointed heart). Just these moments... *tear* they mean so much and often get taken for granted. I'd like to think I am I-kai's biggest cheerleader. I look forward to these moments where I get to witness her successes (even the little ones). Walking, potty training, first days of school, riding her bike for the first time, winning Student Council VP, Elementary Honor Society inductions... I love it all! She is my Awesome I-kai, my greatest accomplishment, my love, my sweet, my gorgeous, facetious little boo!
I just want to remind you all to love and encourage your children openly. Their little spirits need to hear it from you... let them know you believe in them. Support them in their journeys, cheer them through their successes and comfort them through their failures. Teach them to be humble but also teach them to shoot for the moon!  

I love you all! Enjoy this weekend, cherish the moments... That's my peace!

Thursday, September 8, 2011

JOY in spite of

I'm starting this not knowing what I'm going to talk about today. First of all... Happy Thursday! Secondly, this rain is ridiculous but I am TRYING to be a ray of sunshine despite the gloomy weather. Thirdly, I forgot to talk to Kai yesterday when I got home (like I knew I would...) but I know she has a good head on her shoulders. I'm really not too worried about her. I like to reinforce certain things when they come up, but overall I know she's a good girl. I did remember to reinforce being a leader in today's lunch note though. "be successful, be a leader. I love you" :) I know the lunch notes are a little corny but I also know she appreciates them. On the days that aren't going well for her, they bring a touch of balance and security. A reminder that she has a mom at home who loves her and will be there to hug her and love on her. It's just a little touch of love in her lunchbox... thinking back, my mom did it for me. She used to write notes on our napkins... I remember that and cherish that memory. I want the same for Ikaia. Coincidentally, Jules does it too (she's super mom though). We've never discussed doing it, it just so happens we both do. Must be one of those childhood memories Gigi created for us. It was a sweet gesture. :)
Anywhoozle (I've got nothing else soooo...) The blog challenge for today: Something that makes you happy?
Well, if I wanted to get all technical and make it deep for you I'd say "happiness is temporary and joy is eternal" or that "happiness can never be bought, given or copied. It can only be chosen." But what they hey, let's keep it light today (maybe)...

Proverbs 15:13 A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit

It makes me happy to see Ikaia's smile. That girl is tough! Being her mom has got to be the hardest job yet! But oh when she smiles... it's the best feeling ever. I work everyday just to put a smile on her face. I am pretty tough on her most times, but I cannot deny the hold she has on my heart. Knowing I am the mother of IJK*  and seeing the beautiful, smart, funny young lady she is growing up to be... that makes me HAPPY!
I feel like this could go on for days, so... to all the people in my life (I'm more than certain I've mentioned all or most of you at some point). I only surround myself with people that make me happy. I weed out the others along the way, no point in making myself miserable with the unmentionables and stringing them along for the sake of numbers... once you're out, you're out! #nobacksies. I will love and forgive and pray for you from a distance and wish you the best as you go on your way (the other way)! It is a lesson I've had to learn the hard way. Keeping people around that only intend to do you harm... eventually you drop your guard on them, and they do harm you. I don't have time for that in my life anymore. I've got JOY everlasting! (forget that momentary happiness crap!) on to the next...
The J guy makes me happy :) and even on the days he doesn't, I'm working on choosing JOY. But he's pretty on top of the Happy Tam job, he's the best! (but you already know that).
Learning new things ... KNOWLEDGE IS POWER!
Quiet moments... PEACE
Good food ... you know when you take that first bite into a delicious burger?
(I need to find the JOY in working out cause that doesn't make me happy anymore)
Talking to my mom (this is one of those things I just recently began to cherish)
Getting comments on my blog
Taking a nap on a rainy day
When I hear a favorite song
Moments with my sister (you choose which one, they're both awesome)
Sharing a laugh (specifically) with my brother
Singing at the top of my lungs
Seeing the fruit of my labor
Making someone's day
Holidays with my family (my family is pretty awesome. My grandma is way cooler than your grandma!)
New shoes :)
Finding money in my back pocket

This is one of those list that could go on FOREVER! I could fill up the pages with these that make me happy. I've been happy a lot lately though... kind of a quiet, reflective happy. JOY in spite of everything else...
Joy is something entirely different from happiness. Joy is attitude of the heart.  It is not necessarily based on something positive happening. When happiness fades away, joy remains.  Joy is something that is bigger than our current circumstances.

Hold on tight to your joy. That's my peace!

*(had to take her full name out, in hopes thats its not so easily googled~ 1/12/12)

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

The Hair Experiment!

It's Wednesday again! Happy Hump Day! "The humpty dance is your chance..." 

I have been trying to work on my love for my natural hair so I've been watching these youtube videos on natural hair styles. I made Kai my little guinea pig (because I cant imagine holding my arms up to do my own)  last night and did her hair in a bantu knot out/twist out style. This morning as I am unknotting and untwisting (with envy), her nose is turning up as if she doesn't love it. My face looking confused wondering how she could not love it...? *sighs*. Then she asks me "what are we going to do to it now?" And I'm like "What do you mean? This is how its supposed to be :(" (and it was sooo gorgeous!). Then she says, "I'm not trying to stand out and this hair is going to make me stand out!" To which I responded "Isn't that the point?!", completely baffled to this foolishness she was talking. She said "I already stand out enough". Then I remember she is only 11 and at that age fitting in is the thing to do (I guess). But it saddened me at the same time. I wish I had time to take a picture of her fabulous hair before I brushed it into a ponytail (even though it was as awesome ponytail as well). But I also wish I had time to sit her down and explain (ok, lecture) on the importance of standing out. I would have told her how the right thing to do isn't always going to be the popular thing to do. How she will always stand out if she plans to live a life pleasing to God. I wanted to ask her what she would do and how she would feel when everyone else was doing the wrong thing. Would you be able to stand out then? What if someone is picking on someone else, will you stand out then? I want her to be proud not to fit in. I want her to be independent in her decision making even if it means not "fitting in". I want to leave work right now and go pick her up from school and have this talk with her. (too much?) Hopefully this is all fresh on my mind by the time I get home from work today. But with her already being 5 minutes later than her leave out the door time, I just kissed her on the forehead, hugged her, said a little prayer and told her to "be a leader". Coincidentally, I wrote that same thing on her lunch box note the day before. I wish I would have reinforced it again on today's lunch note but I guess "I love you. Have a wonderful Wednesday!" will have to do. 
I've never really fit in... always been Tamika, a little different than everyone else, never really doing the "cool" thing, never really caring (maybe once upon a time I cared). I am independent in my choices... I guess maybe at 11, I hoped to fit in but it never really happened. So I guess after a certain point, it didn't feel important anymore.
How I wish Kai would see what I see that now without having to go through those preteen to teenage years trying to fit in. It really isn't worth the trouble... be who you are, however you are and people will respect that. And if they don't, so what!
I gave up on my relaxed hair 5 years ago... it wasn't really the cool thing to do then (or was it?). Everyone wants to be long and straight. I just want to be short and curly (not little boy short, like Chelita suggests), but a sassy, cute short.  But every time I cut away at it, I feel like a quitter on my natural hair like I'm running from the problem. The longer it gets, the more trouble I have figuring out what to do with it myself. So instead of cutting it and being able to handle it easy breezy, this time I'm going to figure this stuff out and let it grow. So when you see me on the streets looking crazy... you already know! For now, either I'm going to have to sacrifice the comfortability of my arms and experiment on myself or I'll just wait for you to volunteer to help me... One thing I know, I wont waste my time on that Kai girl's head again! SMH... that Ikaia (and her desire to be long and straight)! Who's daughter is she?

A few of my favorite natural hair channels are:


Here are two of the videos that inpired Kai's hairdo...



I wish I would have had time and thought of taking a pic of Kai with her hair... but I hadn't intended to blog about our hair experiment. It was only provoked by her desire to not stand out. I still cant get over it... smh. I'll see how the talk goes later...

Happy Hump Day!!! That's my peace!

Friday, September 2, 2011

Nada, Adios

I love Fridays, right? It doesn't feel like it today though. I am MOODY today and I have not one qualm about admitting it. I am a very moody creature. I own it! And WHAT??? When I am in my mood, I usually withdraw so... I've got nothing for you today. My momma taught me "if you dont have anything nice to say, say something mean..." Wait no, thats not it! That's what I changed it to, my momma taught me better than that. I just chose not to pay attention sometimes. But I'm working on not saying anything mean (really a problem for me, believe it or not). If you dont have anything nice to say, dont say anything at all, so...

PEACE out! Happy Friday and I hope everyone enjoys their long weekend. I desperately need this weekend to recoup and get my mind right.

Cypress Hill ~ Insane in the Brain!!!

the (not so) PEACE of Tam