Thursday, December 31, 2015

THE List!

In my last post, I mentioned how I like to take stock on my life around birthday time and the new year. How I get all introspective and decide on life changes and things I'll do differently in the new year. I decided that 2016 would be risky and noteworthy. It'll be adventurous and spontaneous, but it'll also be planning and carrying out those plans. No more "one day I wills." Instead...NIKE!!! (Just do it!)

I started making a bucket list of things I want to do. That way I have a working list to live off of...

  1.  Client reception and West Side Story
  2.  Stop procrastinating   crossed off because it's just unrealistic expectation
  3. karaoke -I forreal have never done karaoke... for shame!!! (Edited 1/25/2018: my bday 2017 friends took me to karaoke)
  4. read more books
  5. boudoir photo shoot (sad I was car-less and couldn't get to my scheduled appt, but it shall get done) 
  6. wine tasting/festival (Edited 1/25/2018: summer 2017)
  7. experiment with my hair (my hair has been busy for a couple years now)
  8. Get my passport 
  9. Travel out the country 
  10. lose 15 lbs does it count if I gained 15 lbs then lost it? 
  11. Bikini wax
  12. Cook more (experiment with new dishes)
  13. Bake something grand monthly 
  14. Create traditions and memories with my family
  15. Teach Kai how to cook
  16. Camp out
  17. Ride a roller coaster
  18. Save $
  19. Road trip 
  20. Family vacation 
  21. Dance more 
  22. get crafty (craftier) 
  23. get Mali out of my bed

(when I only had like 3 things on the list) see! this is my problem. I can't even think of things I want to do... I refuse to live this boring life again in 2016. What are some things you want to accomplish for 2016, I need a list to steal. 


Edited: This will be a working list that I will edit and add to as I think of things. I don't want to limit myself to the list, but I'd like something to work from.
I plan to make 2016 one for the books!! I don't have any grand unattainable goals, I just want to live feeling happier, more at peace and freer each year. I can't remain confined to the box others have put me in. I am choosing to LIVE! 


Today is the last day of 2015. Tonight, I plan to make mocktails for myself and the kids (it'll prob just me Kai, Mali and myself). We're going to have a dance party, bake a pound cake, make vision boards and sing Auld Lang Syne as Kai tries to play it on her keyboard. It's going to be a grand ole time for us in the house. Let the memory making begin!!!

Happy New Year blog world!!!

That's my last 2015 PEACE!

Love, Tam


Friday, December 11, 2015

The Daddy Moment

Last night, I went to a work function... boo!!! But when you finally get the long awaited invite from your coworkers to see West Side Story, along with your new found love of plays and musicals, AND they're paying for it... you say YES! And you go and enjoy. You mingle with clients you talk to all the time, but have never met face to face. You deal with some weird dude trying to get your number under the guise of selling you a loom. You nibble on chicken skewers and beef sliders and mushroom quesadillas, you accept every glass of white wine the waiter offers you and you LIVE!! Absolutely live. You deal with the awkward stares from your manager, who is possibly wondering what you're saying to their longest client that has him laughing, and you continue to be the lovely, charming person who lives deep inside but surfaces perfectly when needed.

I had a good time, I enjoyed West Side Story, and I especially appreciate my wonderful husband coming to pick me up at 11pm.

I get home to my sweet baby, who of course is still awake cause he's been waiting for me and no one else is responsible enough to put him to bed.  Grateful he is still awake because there were specks in the evening that I missed him terribly. At first around the time we'd usually be together, again when I left the crowd to use the restroom, once more when I eating a dessert with a strawberry (Mali loves strawberries), then only again when I was riding home and realizing it was so late and he'd prob be asleep and the day just starts over with us being apart again ALL DAY, knowing I had to come home, then tomorrow/now today and only see him for a moment, just to go out again for National Symphony Orchestra at Kennedy Center date with his sister. I hope he doesn't feel abandoned *DEEP stressful SIGH*. But he's up! unfortunate for the daycare lady who has to deal with his cranky pants tomorrow, but YAY for me that I, at least, get a few moments of Mali gloriousness. As I scoop him up, hold him, nurse him (yes we're still there. He's adamant about his "nah nah", but we will retire it soon), and I talk to him about my day and ask him about his. He's listening and falling asleep... " I love your sweet face, I hope you grow up to be just like your daddy. Maybe you need to spend more time with him, without me, so you can ingest the deepest parts of him, the parts I love. The part that makes him not even hesitate to come pick up your mom after a long night. If you ended up just like him, I'd be proud."  And in that moment, I thought how there are some women who look at their sons and think, "I hope you grow up to be nothing like your @%$!&*%$ father." And it saddened me, humbled me, and made me realize just how blessed in life I am. It was so noteworthy for me, so relieving. Mr. B was undressing or something off in the bathroom and I don't think he heard me, I hope he didn't. I can't have him thinking he's the absolute ish in my eyes. At the same time, I hope he did hear me. Hopes he knows just how much I love and appreciate him. *exhales JOY*

I am having a birthday soon. Every year, around birthday time, I do all this reflection, self inspection and look over my life and what I can do, should do and will do differently. Every year, I take a stock over my physical self and do what I can to be a better Tam. This year, I've decided I am going to take more chances, do the things I think of but then talk myself out of them. No more talking myself out of it. I am not going to let my stubborness and fear keep me from living and growing. I am going to make a "bucket" list and start crossing stuff off of it.

1. Client reception and West Side Story
2. Stop procrastinating

...I'll finish writing the list later, LOL

This post was just to remember the moment I had the "grow up to be like your father" revelation, but I can never be short and sweet, can I? :)

Happy Tecember! #YOTTTO (You Only Turn Thirty Three Once) #taking33


Love, Tam