Wednesday, February 19, 2014

You'll Accept Anybody

I was chatting with a friend recently, and she said something to me that keeps replaying in my head… “You’ll accept anybody.” I laughed when she said it then, and every time I think of it, I chuckle again. Let me give you the scenario…
I don’t see her that often and we were just sitting, playing catch up on each other’s lives. She’d ask how’s so and so... and I’d respond, “I don’t talk to them much. They've been busy with blah blah and blah but they’re good.” She mentioned someone else that I’d had a mild falling out with, and asked how they were. “She’s fine.”
Her: You still talk to her?
Me: Yes, why not? What they did was a mild shock to my system, but I’m not taking it personal. I've recovered, we’re cool.
Her: You’ll accept anybody.
Me: ha!!!
 For the record, I won’t accept anybody… I’m sorry I don’t live up to that assessment of me. I've set a small standard for the people in my life. I'm not out here accepting foolishness and letting folk take advantage of my kindness. BUT... I do accept a lot from people, especially if it's not hurting me.
I’m not BFF’s with everybody… but when I friend you, I FRIEND YOU! I don’t just write a blog telling people what they should do… One Olive Branch At A Time, Too Perfect To Apologize & So I Read (a post about forgiveness)… I am working daily to live it. I meet people where they are and accept them for who they are and what they offer. I’m not losing anything in being friends with you. I definitely would not gain anything by cutting people off, deciding I can no longer make time for you, or being selfish and choosing to not participate in your life just because you’re not always available for mine. Am I losing? Or are you?
I learned not to count on anyone’s time, presence, or phone calls for my joy. You didn't call? It’s OK, I am here for when you do. I understand that the world does not revolve around me. I understand people have lives of their own, and sometimes they get lost in them. I understand time slips away, you get busy, moody, withdrawn, or just lazy and can’t always be what someone needs (scratch that!) wants. But who am I to decide that whatever you’re doing, going through, dealing with isn't enough that you can’t make time for other things? Who am I? 
What I also understand… sometimes life happens. And often, life is crappy when it does happens. What if someone were dealing with something so painful and scary that they just couldn't reach out? Maybe they’re hurting and sad… what kind of person would I be that I decide to cut them off because they weren't there for me? I am not that self-involved. It’s my responsibility to be here, just in case. 
What if I were the only person someone felt they could talk to about something they were going through, but because I am too blinded by “but she wasn't there for me!” and had cut them off, that they felt they couldn't come to me? I just don’t want to be that person.

I understand relationships shouldn't be one sided. It's give and take, 50/50, scratch my back and I'll scratch yours. But maybe that's where we mess up. I'm going to give 100, I'm going to be here compensating for when you're at 0 and I won't be keeping score. What am I gaining by not accepting you for just who you are and what you have to offer? Nothing! We're losing out on friendships by acting like a bunch of self involved, "it's all about me" losers. Find joy, stop thinking the worse of everyone and have some compassion instead. Then ask yourself, "Why is my joy placed in their actions?" I just can't get in my feelings every time someone doesn't do something I hoped for, or expected. My God is greater… 

It's all about loving people without any conditions. Maybe I can't count on you... but just like I tell my 13 year old. "You are responsible for your actions," just as I am responsible for mine. And I can't stand before God and said, "Lord, but she didn't..." 

God: Well, what did you do Tamika? 

I want to be able to say, "Lord, I did my part." 
So yes, if it appears as though I'll "accept anybody," then I'll take that! I still thinks it's funny though. I'll accept you for just who you are and where you are without any conditions. I'm not expecting you to do anything for me, and I am here when you need me. And I'm certain that even if I don't see the benefit here on earth, my reward is in Heaven. 
It kinda makes me wonder though... what's everybody else out here doing? Slicing people off at the knee caps left and right? Geesh! I don't want to stand out so much. How about we all work to be good people, you're making me look like the weirdo for doing the right thing. I don't like that. LOL

Love you like a play cousin (cause I accept anybody) 

That's my peace! Love, Tam

P.S. I'm glad folk can see the good in me, but wait until I write that post about what I do NOT accept. #Itsamuchbiggerlist. #IknowImnotallthat. #itstheGodinme #Istillneedimprovement #growingdaily

UPDATE: This morning I was doing a Good Morning Girls devotional, and the scripture for the day was Hebrews 12:1...

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us"

And it just felt like confirmation. I wrote that I don't want to stand out by doing the right thing. Not saying that I don't want to do the right thing anymore, I just want every one else to be doing the right thing as well. But this scripture confirms that I am running the race marked for me. And although it may not be easy, I need to persevere. I am "surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses, " people are watching what I do. I can't be hindered or let sin entangle me.

Let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." I will continue to run on. :)

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