Just like the sunshine after this morning's storm... Today is also my wonderful sister's 10th wedding anniversary. My sister plays so many roles in my life, I look up to her for so much. I am so blessed to have her presence and wisdom directly available to me. Her light just shines so brightly (*sings* She is my sunshine..), I am so proud of the woman she is, her radiance, her gracefulness... I am so proud of her relationship with her husband. I know it has not always been easy, but they are still together, clearly happily 10 years later. Knowing her, I can say "to God be the GLORY!"
But after being married 10 years, what would she say???
Here are her reflections on her marriage and celebrating 10 years with her husband....
Today, April 12, 2013, I have been married for 10 years!! When I think about it, it is 1/3 of my life! WOW! The roses have not been without thorns, which makes me even prouder of this accomplishment. We vowed until death do us part and “divorce is not an option”. I did not want to be married for life unhappily. About a year and a half in, I felt unhappy. “I am not happy.” “He is not making me happy.” “He is never home.” “This might have been a mistake.” “He doesn’t know how to be a husband.” These are some of the things I was saying to myself and now realize the Devil was also whispering them in my ear.(Ephesian 6:12) According to a Marriage and Family Psychology class, I took at the University of South Carolina, my marriage was doomed from the start: too young, different backgrounds, age difference, my parents are divorced, and we had children and lived together before we were married. The odds were against us!
BUT…divorce is not an option, so I went to the vast collection of books my mother owns and found a treasure in Help Me! I’m Married by Joyce Meyer! Best Book Ever! Joyce Meyer, too, starts out complaining about her husband, but realizes “what do I really know about marriage? What am I bringing to the table as a wife?” This helped me to realize, I don’t know how to be a wife either. I was already a mother of 2 and pregnant with my third, living in
Houston, where I had no family, knew no one besides Garrick’s very busy cousin. I was lonely and felt alone. I delved into books; The Power of a Praying Wife and A Wife After God’s Own Heart, are a few that really left a mark and sustained our marriage. They showed me “IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU, JULITA!”
The truth is my marriage has made me a better person; mother, friend, sister, daughter. My marriage threw me at God’s feet! I cannot in my own power LOVE anyone. I must love like God loves me, despite my flaws, despite my feelings. I am merely human, imperfect and sinful married to a human who is flawed, imperfect and sinful. How can I expect perfection from him? Only God can fill the void in our lives! However, often times in a marriage we put this expectation of our spouses! It’s not going to work. There will be divorce unless we pray, seek God and obey His Word.
I pray for my Husband daily and journal one thing I am grateful for him each day, even if it’s “he went to work today” or “he took out the trash”. I find it hard to be angry, bitter and hurtful to someone after you pray for them. So instead of saying the first thing on my mind, when he says or does something irritating I say, “Lord, bless my husband!” (in my head of course).
Practically and honestly, I also believe that the grass is never greener. I’d rather stick with the crazy I married than go and find crazier!
I recently figure out my Love Language is “Receiving Gifts”. I scored 1 point higher in “Quality Time”, but I think it is because I realize someone giving you their time is a gift. My husband speaks to me in “Acts of Service”. I was feeling unloved because Love was getting lost in translation in our household. I highly recommend The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. The book was an eye opener and can clear up confusions of love in all relationships, not just between spouses!
I was a baby. I did not grow up until I recognized that my life is meant to be lived for someone besides me. God sustains my marriage, He is the glue holding us together. Only with His love and strength can I truly love as 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 explains what real LOVE is! It is my life motto. LOVE is kind, long suffering...unselfish!
Marriage is not easy, but it is worth it. I have a teammate. I do not have to carry my burdens alone. Ecclesiastes 4 :9-12
I am constantly trying to grow me up. I still, during my devotion read The Power Of A Praying Wife Devotional, every other night, and I recently finished The Respect Dare for Married Women by Nina Roesner. Together we read the ebook, Love Everyday. Because we want divorce to never be an option!!
I hope you read and enjoyed Jules' reflections on being married these 10 years. She has learned and grown so much over these years. I can see the difference in her since when we were children, she wasn't always this amazing, lol!! But really, I am so proud of her (Idk if I can ever say it enough how proud I am and how much she means to me). But I am so thankful that she doesn't just learn and grow then keep it all to herself and hide her awesomeness away from everyone else. I truly am blessed daily by her. She is a huge contribution to all that is a peace of Tam, literally. I pray her message blessed you as much as it did me.
She is my peace!