Good afternoon gang! I wasn't going to post anything today, but life happened and it gave me a topic. It's just a regular Tuesday, I'm sitting at my desk and Kai calls me. "Mommy, can I sit on our porch and do homework with Savannah and Amber?"
This question seems simple enough to answer, right? It is a nice day, she's simply wants to do homework with two of her friends (that I have met). They are both nice, well behaved young ladies that get good grades themselves... it's simple. But my answer: ???????? "Ask Jerry!" lol
This isn't where you thought this was going, was it? haha. Thought I was gonna say something about pedophiles, or worry whether she will be ok outside while I'm not home, or concern of them copying or anything like that... nope! My problems are bigger than that (not really, but kinda). As this scenario is playing out, my initial answer was, "Sure Kai, go ahead." Then I may have gone on about behaving herself, and knowing the rules, and... blah blah. Just the regular parental guidance I give, so she can't say I didn't say not to. But no, "ask Jerry." He is off work today, maybe he was home, maybe he wasn't... idk. But I have to take into consideration his opinion and instead of being the middle man, I sent her straight to the source. This is all in an effort to effectively and purposefully establish the chain of command. Now, I am new at this. I am not from a blended family. When my mom and dad divorced, yes my mom moved on (kinda) but she never remarried, nor did I ever have to establish a real relationship with a "new father". I am about to admit something (shocking)... I don't know what I'm doing!!! I don't know if I am going about this the right way, I don't know if I am contributing to raising a healthy, well adjusted child or if I am (for lack of better term)... drastically mucking her up for life!
There are plenty of happy daughter/step father relationships out there, but how? What did they do different. I only hear of the ones where the daughters are rebellious and unhappy. I don't want that for my daughter. I don't want to just let her fall by the wayside feeling like she was treated unfair or unloved. I want my Kai, just as she is, for the rest of her life. I want to know I did right by her! And then again, I don't want her thinking she has it so good that Jerry doesn't need to be respected. I don't want her thinking "my mommy always has my back so I can do or say whatever I want to Jerry. He's not my daddy." And knowing her like I do, she is not far from this attitude. Oh! don't get me wrong, they get along and have their own thing but sometimes she can get out of line and I have to check her! But... I don't want to have to forever, I want the love and respect to just be there. And I need to know how I do it. I pray about this everyday. I know God is hearing me, but is there more I can/ should be doing? Some book I should be reading? That's why we need "Tam Talk", someone knows how to help me get through this but where is the platform to speak on it?
This weekend, Kai wanted to know if a friend could come over. In my mind, my answer is yes. But actual my answer: "ask Jerry". And she accepts this with no problem, but is it overkill? (does she accept it so readily because Jerry tends to always say yes? What if he said no? Would she have a conniption?) Should I be asking Jerry for her? Should I just be giving my answer without Jerry consultation all the time? *sighs* Just so many questions. Maybe there is no right way, maybe my proactive awareness is a good first step, maybe prayer and love will cover it. I just don't want to mess up! I am really concerned, can you tell? Things appear all good right now, but I don't want to be caught up on how it seems, I don't want to be at the point where it's beyond fixing. I want help before I NEED the help and it's too late.
I am going to attempt to form a panel and get some answers! Are you currently blending a family, are you the product of a blended family, the friend of a member of a blended family, do you have a blender? lol Do you have any thought on this at all? HELP! There should really be a help group for this... do I hear a topic for Tam Talk?
That's my peace!